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Band 6.5

It was predicted that people living in the twenty-first century would have more free time than ever before because of improvements in technology. To what extent has this prediction come true?

#people #century #time #improvements #technology #prediction
It is irrefutable that
technology
 has become an inseparable part of our lives because our lives depend on it. It is argued that
people
 of the modern age will have more leisure
time
 than ever before
due to
 cutting-edge
technology
. I agree with
this
 thought thoroughly, as we can see
due to
 machines and transportation systems
time
 consumption has dramatically decreased.
To begin
 with, with the
help
 of breakthroughs, daily base jobs have become more easy to do.
For example
, in the 19th century, workshops and agriculture fields were not as saving as they have become nowadays with the
help
 of motors and tractors. An individual can do the task on their own in a single day, which used to be done with ten
people
 in a single day. So, it can be seen how
technology
 saves us
time
 that we can use for recreational activities.
Moreover
, transporting stuff or
people
 with new
technology
 is really
time
-saving. As an illustration, in the old days,
people
 used to travel from one place to another with the
help
 of cycles or animal-supported transportation types of equipment, which were
time
-consuming. But, these days, thousands of
kilometers
Change the spelling
kilometres
show examples
 can be
traveled
Change the spelling
travelled
show examples
 with the
help
 of new
technology
 vehicles. Undoubtedly,
technology
 has made an individual's life easy and
time
-saving so one can enjoy their valuable
time
 with their loved ones.
To conclude
, advancements in the
technology
 sector have changed an individual's life completely, as they do not have to do lots of work daily. Now, they can enjoy their life
while
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 from one place to another and doing daily jobs.
Submitted by gurhunjjan47 on

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task achievement
Expand on the examples provided and link them more explicitly to the argument. For instance, explain more clearly how the reduction in time for certain tasks directly leads to more leisure time.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly addresses a different aspect of the argument. While the essay is generally well-organized, each point can be more distinctly separated for better coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the main argument and sets the stage for the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the argument.
relevant specific examples
Good use of specific examples, such as advancements in agriculture and transportation, to support the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficiency
  • leisure
  • automation
  • blurred boundaries
  • always-on culture
  • advancements
  • smart appliances
  • chores
  • responsibilities
  • leisure activities
  • social media
  • video games
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