IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention #qualification
Some college
students
 want to partake in studying other
subjects
instead
 of their major
subjects
.
However
, others reckon that investing their time and effort in studying for a qualification is more essential.
Although
 both statements have their points, I agree with the first view for some reasons mentioned in
this
 essay. On the one hand,
students
 who spend all their time and attention on a qualification have their own views.
Firstly
, undergraduates who spend all their efforts studying main
subjects
 can gain more knowledge and specialist
skills
 in their chosen field.
Additionally
,
students
 can achieve better academic performance which creates more opportunities for applying for scholarships or jobs after graduation.
Secondly
, they can learn complicated concepts and theories in depth which helps them strengthen that subject.
Moreover
, paying attention to a qualification helps them have a clear study plan and schedule, and
as a result
, their physical and mental well-being will be ensured, avoiding stress and distraction. On the one hand, there are some reasons why university
students
 want to learn about other
subjects
besides
 their major studies. First and foremost, learning more
subjects
 means developing new diverse
skills
 which are necessary and vital in any job
such
 as time management, communication, or English
skills
.
Secondly
, it can help
students
 become flexible and easily adapt to different working environments and situations.
Furthermore
, studying more
subjects
 helps
students
 discover new interests or talents, since
then
, they can find more happiness in their studies and life.
Last
 but not least, knowledge from different
subjects
 can help undergraduates attend and make useful contributions to social and community activities. In conclusion, from what I mentioned above, I hold a strong belief that university
students
 should learn more
subjects
 rather than their main
subjects
.
As a consequence
, they can develop a range of useful
skills
 for their lives and careers.
Submitted by ieltswritingpracticedl on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Consider adding more specific examples to support your points. While your arguments are clear, providing concrete instances can make them more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, but ensure your introduction gives a clear preview of your main points. This can help guide your reader and strengthen the coherence.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using varied linking words and phrases can enhance the flow of your essay.
task response
You have effectively addressed both views and provided a well-argued opinion.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically structured and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reinforces your opinion.
task response
You have demonstrated a good range of vocabulary and sentence structures.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: