IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The continued rise in the world's population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?

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At present, the increasing
rise
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 in global
population
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 is the greatest problem encountered by human life. The causes of the increasing
rise
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 in the global
population
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 are the lower rate of birth control and having more than two children. I agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity because the
world
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 is struggling to bear
this
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 increasing rate of
population
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 with its limited resources. The primary cause of the increasing
population
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 is the low rate of birth control
specially
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especially
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 in rural areas of developing countries. People are still not aware of the detrimental effects of
population
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rise
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.
Therefore
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, they are reluctant to control birth.
Moreover
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, most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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couples are interested in having more than two children, and
therefore
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, the "One Child Policy" has received harsh criticism from many developing countries.
For example
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, in China, when the government passed the "One Child Policy" in 2007, most of the citizens protested against it
,
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apply
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 and considered it as a violation of human rights. The continued
rise
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 in the global
population
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 is a threat to humanity, because the resources the
world
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 has, are inadequate to serve a large number of the
population
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.
Moreover
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, inhabitants of the
world
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 are not aware enough to preserve
this
Linking Words
 limited resource. They are only focusing on the consumption of the resource,
instead
Linking Words
 of the preservation of it.
For example
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, most of the trees of the Amazon forest have been cut down to meet the increasing needs of the
population
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 for various purposes. In conclusion, people from developing countries are not conscious of the downsides of
population
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rise
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, and they are still reluctant to follow the "One Child Policy". The limited resource of the
world
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 works as a barrier to meet the increasing needs of the
world
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population
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.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a noticeable structure with clear paragraphs. However, work on enhancing the transitions between paragraphs to provide a smoother and more logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
You answered the question adequately, but some statements could be reinforced with more specific examples or statistical data to add further depth to your argument.
task achievement
Make sure each main point is clearly supported by relevant and precise examples. This ensures that your arguments are grounded in evidence and are persuasive to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame your arguments and assertions.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical and easy to follow, which makes your arguments clearer for the reader.
task achievement
You’ve successfully addressed both parts of the question and provided relevant examples that illustrate your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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