It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

#people #money #future

It is critical for all

people

, including teenagers, to save

money

for their future. In fact, it is extraordinary for individuals to save their

money

for the black day. In my point of view, I agree with

this

occasion for two obvious reasons. First of all, if

people

saved

Wrong verb form

save

show examples

their

money

, they could utilize them for crucial situations.

In addition

, many

people

these days advise young

people

to save

money

due to

the difficult life that we live

Change preposition

apply

show examples

nowadays.

For instance

, my cousin was spending

money

stupidly, he was not aware of the amounts that he was spending on some products that were for

entertaining

Replace the word

entertainment

show examples

only.

As a result

people

should save

money

and

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not purchase no-need things.

Secondly

, one of the main reasons to save

money

is to invest

this

amount of

money

, so the wealth can grow highly.

Moreover

, wealthy

people

do use their

money

Change preposition

for

show examples

investment

Correct article usage

the investment

show examples

aspect,

also

the secret to

Change the verb form

being

show examples

successful

Add an article

a successful

show examples

person is to invest your

money

and try to enhance your financial side. A study published by King Saud University concluded that 85% of the businessmen around the world use half of their wealth in investment.

Therefore

people

who would fancy

to be

Change the verb form

being

show examples

rich should invest their

money

, and they will have double

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the amount.

Finally

money

should be saved for the future by everybody, including young

people

. In my opinion, I suppose that saving

money

for the future is significant

due to

the difficulties you will face like family requirements.

Submitted by moha.aleid2017 on Fri Sep 13 2024

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task achievement

Ensure that your essay remains focused on the topic and addresses all parts of the question thoroughly. You have touched on the main points, but trying to expand them could strengthen your argument.

coherence and cohesion

Clarify your ideas and structure them logically to improve readability. Linking sentences and paragraphs using connectors like 'furthermore' or 'moreover' can help in this regard.

coherence and cohesion

Provide more specific examples to support your points. This not only illustrates your argument but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.

task achievement

You've presented a clear opinion and supported it with two main reasons, which shows a good understanding of essay structure and task requirements.

coherence and cohesion

Your conclusion summarises the essay nicely, reiterating your opinion and main points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
safety net
unforeseen circumstances
emergencies
future investments
retirement planning
financial discipline
habit of saving
amassing wealth
substantial fund
opportunity cost
additional income
inflation
purchasing power

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It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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