Some people believe that children should be banned from using their phones during the school day. Others believe that children should be allowed to use their phones. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is often argued that
children
should be forbidden from utilizing mobile devices
in class
, while
others disagree and think that children
can use their phones
during class
. Personally, I completely agree with the first statement, and in this
essay, I will demonstrate that point of view.
On the one hand, mobile phones
are an excellent resource for learning for children
. For instance
, Google, Youtube
, or learning apps are used to search for information or learn new languages, which support skill development and enhance knowledge. Correct your spelling
YouTube
Moreover
, cell phones
can be a source of entertainment after class
. For example
, young students play games or listen to music during break time. It helps them relax comfortably, and they can absorb lessons better.
On the other hand
, children
should be prohibited from using mobile devices
because it wastes a huge amount of time, and leads to electronic devices
(such
as smartphones, or tablets, etc.) becoming addicted. Reliance on electronic devices
makes it difficult for them to focus on schoolwork, and social isolation,
and reduces physical activity. Remove the comma
apply
As a result
, it decreases their productivity. Furthermore
, prolonged exposure to computers or smartphones brings about healthy effects. For example
, it leads to sleep disruption, eye diseases, or mental health. Therefore
, it affects family finances and imposes a burden on society.
To conclude
, even though using phones
in class
can help our young children
improve their knowledge as well as
provide entertainment, there are harmful effects on children
's physical and mental health. That is
why I agree to ban phones
from school.Submitted by phuongdungnurse on
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Task Achievement
Ensure to present a balanced view of both sides before stating your own opinion to provide a more comprehensive discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to enhance the connectivity between your ideas.
General
Remember to proofread your essay to correct minor grammar and spelling errors for a polished final submission.
Relevant Specific Examples
You did a good job providing relevant examples to support your points.
Logical Structure
You effectively structured your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Introduction/Conclusion Present
Your conclusion succinctly summarized your arguments and re-stated your opinion, making it a strong finish to your essay.
