In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, some of the
people
attend professional trainings
rather than go to a Change the wording
training
pieces of training
university
. Having less network and lack
of opportunity Correct article usage
a lack
for learning
deeply is one of the most crucial Change preposition
to learn
drawbacks
of specific courses
; however
, people
can reach their target easily in workshops. The drawbacks
of the
enrolling Correct article usage
apply
workshops
Change preposition
in workshops
instead
of universities
outweight
the benefits Correct your spelling
outweigh
of
Change preposition
apply
it
.
One of the main disadvantages of taking special Correct pronoun usage
apply
trainings
is having less network. Change the wording
training
pieces of training
Universities
are not only for education,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
for having new connections. Youth can develop themselves in universities
, they can meet many people
; however
, students cannot have the same opportunity in work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
courses
, since they have limited time. To better illustrate, it is known that many students work together with
their friends from their universities
. Newertheless
, it is significantly Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
diffucult
to meet and have Correct your spelling
difficult
strong
relationship with someone who can work with it in the work-based Add an article
a strong
courses
. Another equally significant drawbacks
of Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
that
Correct determiner usage
those
courses
is the difficulties of deep learning. Since these courses
teach only the target points, learners cannot understand the foundation of courses
. Correct article usage
the courses
For instance
, many of the managers graduated from well-known universities
because they are able to understand roots
of the problems.
Correct article usage
the roots
In contrast
, with the help of private courses
learners can achive
their goals easily. Correct your spelling
achieve
However
it is important to know that if a Add a comma
However,
peorson
Correct your spelling
person
want
to sustainable career, she/he should have a Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
university
degree. A research
conducted by Oxford Correct article usage
Research
University
shows that course takers find an occupation easily rather than people
who have bachelor's
degree, yet, graduates are more Correct article usage
a bachelor's
succesful
in Correct your spelling
successful
long
term period.
Correct article usage
the long
To sum up
, while
there are major disavantages
of having Correct your spelling
disadvantages
courses
instead
of university
degree, there are minor benefits. Losing Add an article
a university
opportunity
to have better connections and lack of having Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
deep-knowledges
are the main Correct your spelling
deep knowledge
drawbacks
. On the other hand
, reaching dream
job easily is a Correct article usage
a dream
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
advantages
of Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
courses
.Submitted by xxxx17
on
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task achievement
Try to deepen your analysis of the benefits and drawbacks. While you did mention some advantages and disadvantages, elaborating further on each point would enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to some grammar and spelling errors, such as 'Newertheless' (Nevertheless) and 'diffucult' (difficult). These small mistakes can distract the reader.
coherence cohesion
Take care to ensure that your ideas are clearly separated into paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured response.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the reference to Oxford University research. This helps in making your argument more concrete.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally clear and understandable, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of thought.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?