IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #enrol #university #situation
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Nowadays, some of the
people
Use synonyms
 attend professional
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 rather than go to a
university
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. Having less network and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of opportunity
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
 deeply is one of the most crucial
drawbacks
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 of specific
courses
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;
however
Linking Words
,
people
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 can reach their target easily in workshops. The
drawbacks
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 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enrolling
workshops
Change preposition
in workshops
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 of
universities
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outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 the benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. One of the main disadvantages of taking special
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 is having less network.
Universities
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 are not only for education
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
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 for having new connections. Youth can develop themselves in
universities
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, they can meet many
people
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;
however
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, students cannot have the same opportunity in
work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
courses
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, since they have limited time. To better illustrate, it is known that many students work
together with
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 their friends from their
universities
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.
Newertheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, it is significantly
diffucult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to meet and have
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
 relationship with someone who can work with it in the work-based
courses
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. Another equally significant
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drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
show examples
 of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
courses
Use synonyms
 is the difficulties of deep learning. Since these
courses
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 teach only the target points, learners cannot understand the foundation of
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courses
Correct article usage
the courses
show examples
.
For instance
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, many of the managers graduated from well-known
universities
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 because they are able to understand
roots
Correct article usage
the roots
show examples
 of the problems.
In contrast
Linking Words
, with the help of private
courses
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 learners can
achive
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achieve
 their goals easily.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it is important to know that if a
peorson
Correct your spelling
person
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
 to sustainable career, she/he should have a
university
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 degree.
A research
Correct article usage
Research
show examples
 conducted by Oxford
University
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 shows that course takers find an occupation easily rather than
people
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 who have
bachelor's
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a bachelor's
show examples
 degree, yet, graduates are more
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term period.
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
 there are major
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of having
courses
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instead
Linking Words
 of
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university
Add an article
a university
show examples
 degree, there are minor benefits. Losing
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 to have better connections and lack of having
deep-knowledges
Correct your spelling
deep knowledge
show examples
 are the main
drawbacks
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, reaching
dream
Correct article usage
a dream
show examples
 job easily is a
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of
courses
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by xxxx17 on

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task achievement
Try to deepen your analysis of the benefits and drawbacks. While you did mention some advantages and disadvantages, elaborating further on each point would enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to some grammar and spelling errors, such as 'Newertheless' (Nevertheless) and 'diffucult' (difficult). These small mistakes can distract the reader.
coherence cohesion
Take care to ensure that your ideas are clearly separated into paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured response.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the reference to Oxford University research. This helps in making your argument more concrete.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally clear and understandable, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of thought.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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