In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, some of the
people
attend professional
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
rather than go to a
university
. Having less network and
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
of opportunity
for learning
Change preposition
to learn
show examples
deeply is one of the most crucial
drawbacks
of specific
courses
;
however
,
people
can reach their target easily in workshops. The
drawbacks
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
enrolling
workshops
Change preposition
in workshops
show examples
instead
of
universities
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
the benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. One of the main disadvantages of taking special
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
is having less network.
Universities
are not only for education
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
also
for having new connections. Youth can develop themselves in
universities
, they can meet many
people
;
however
, students cannot have the same opportunity in
work based
Add a hyphen
work-based
show examples
courses
, since they have limited time. To better illustrate, it is known that many students work
together with
their friends from their
universities
.
Newertheless
Correct your spelling
Nevertheless
, it is significantly
diffucult
Correct your spelling
difficult
to meet and have
strong
Add an article
a strong
show examples
relationship with someone who can work with it in the work-based
courses
. Another equally significant
drawbacks
Fix the agreement mistake
drawback
show examples
of
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
courses
is the difficulties of deep learning. Since these
courses
teach only the target points, learners cannot understand the foundation of
courses
Correct article usage
the courses
show examples
.
For instance
, many of the managers graduated from well-known
universities
because they are able to understand
roots
Correct article usage
the roots
show examples
of the problems.
In contrast
, with the help of private
courses
learners can
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
their goals easily.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
it is important to know that if a
peorson
Correct your spelling
person
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
show examples
to sustainable career, she/he should have a
university
degree.
A research
Correct article usage
Research
show examples
conducted by Oxford
University
shows that course takers find an occupation easily rather than
people
who have
bachelor's
Correct article usage
a bachelor's
show examples
degree, yet, graduates are more
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
term period.
To sum up
,
while
there are major
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
of having
courses
instead
of
university
Add an article
a university
show examples
degree, there are minor benefits. Losing
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
to have better connections and lack of having
deep-knowledges
Correct your spelling
deep knowledge
show examples
are the main
drawbacks
.
On the other hand
, reaching
dream
Correct article usage
a dream
show examples
job easily is a
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
of
courses
.
Submitted by xxxx17 on

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task achievement
Try to deepen your analysis of the benefits and drawbacks. While you did mention some advantages and disadvantages, elaborating further on each point would enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to some grammar and spelling errors, such as 'Newertheless' (Nevertheless) and 'diffucult' (difficult). These small mistakes can distract the reader.
coherence cohesion
Take care to ensure that your ideas are clearly separated into paragraphs, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one main point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for a well-structured response.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the reference to Oxford University research. This helps in making your argument more concrete.
task achievement
Your arguments are generally clear and understandable, making it easy for the reader to follow your line of thought.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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