In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

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Most

people

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believe that shopping could be identified as a hobby rather than a usual routine task as it was in the past. I completely agree that

this

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tendency has more disadvantages than advantages

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because these acts can cause

people

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addiction

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and financial problems.

Firstly

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, nowadays majority of humanity has enjoyment from shopping, and

this

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has started to increase the development of shopping

addiction

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. It is happening

due to

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dopamine that comes through buying some new things, and that dopamine disappears very quickly so that

people

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want to acquire more stuff that surrounds them. It is unsafe for all

people

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since it is hard to get out of

this

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addiction

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For example

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, shopping

addiction

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is almost the same as an

addiction

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to gambling, and

people

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really need to cure it.

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of cheap dopamine

people

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should get fun from other things, like meditation, reading, jogging etc.

Secondly

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, consumption of various things leads

people

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to trouble in finance. Since, in current times managers of large stores and shopping malls already know how to get more money from consumers. They improve the marketing sphere of their shops and search for a victim for it.

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, most families will have financial problems

due to

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all these confusing products.

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, in the past,

people

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went to the shop when they really needed something for a living, and all the founders of stores had no tricky marketing for consumers. In conclusion, thankful for these provided explanations, reasons and examples I strongly believe that regarding shopping as a hobby is a very dangerous delusion.

Submitted by a.seytzhanova on Fri Sep 13 2024

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task response

Try to make your arguments more balanced by discussing both the positive and negative aspects of the trend.

task response

Ensure that your main points are thoroughly explained and developed with clear, specific examples.

coherence and cohesion

Improve the clarity of your essay by using more transitional phrases between paragraphs to better connect your ideas.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid repeating the same ideas and phrases in different parts of your essay; try to present a wider variety of vocabulary and expressions.

organization

Your essay has a clear introduction and a well-defined conclusion.

content

You have effectively identified two main disadvantages of considering shopping as a hobby: addiction and financial problems.

examples

The use of examples such as the comparison between shopping addiction and gambling is effective in reinforcing your points.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

261 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

consumerism
retail therapy
materialism
disposable income
economic growth
financial instability
environmental impact
social interaction
community building
emotional satisfaction
advertising influence
shopping habits

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In the past, shopping was a routine domestic task. Many people nowadays regard it as a hobby. To what extent do you think this is a positive trend?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Modern technology is now very common in most workplaces. How do you think has changed the way we work? Do you think there are disadvantages of relying to much on technology?

Some people argue that it is the responsibility of the police to educate children about good behavior, whereas others believe that parents should be responsible for children. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?