IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some countries, school violence is becoming too common. What are some possible causes of this trend and solutions to it?

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It is widely acknowledged that the issue of school violence is too general in contemporary nations and is growing at a startling rate. The problem is bringing a state of depression among the multitudes and in discipline.
This
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 paragraph will represent the possible causes for
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 problem, and potential remedies are
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 to be discussed and are listed below. In regards, there are several causes of
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 matter. One of the main consequences that can be characterized is parental issues and family bonding.
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, when parents fight in front of other members and yell at their younger children, it can make them feel conceited and depressed, which can increase their propensity to physically abuse other people.
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, a lack of institutional disciplinary codes of conduct may tend to violence. If organization authorities do not have regulations or strictly do not monitor rules against child abuse, ragging, bullying, etc.,
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, these are subjected to getting opportunities for violence by students or even organization staff. Seeing the matter with a brighter mind, many solutions can be helpful to curb
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 menace. First and foremost, families and society's support are crucial to solving
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 problem. To illustrate, parents should engage in play with children, inquire about their friends, review school attendance or report cards, teach them about social skills, discuss religious matters, and so forth, which may help to active positive attitudes and act to resolve problems internally.
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, authorities should set up stringent rules and regulations
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 behavioural teaching methods;
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, authorities can employ cultural events, gaming competitions, picnic planning, and other strategies to inspire staff and students. In conclusion, assault in institutions often stems from depression and a lack of discipline. Not until children build up a positive attitude with the support of societies and fix strict rules and regulations will the issue be fully resolved.

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clarity
To improve clarity, try to avoid using overly complex language that may confuse the reader. Straightforward sentences can often convey your ideas more effectively.
introduction
Although the introduction aptly sets the stage, it could be slightly more concise. It's good practice to introduce the main points succinctly before diving into details.
examples
In future writings, aim to provide more specific examples and elaborate on how these examples directly relate to the main points. This will help bolster your arguments.
balanced approach
The essay appropriately identifies both causes and solutions to the problem of school violence, showcasing a balanced approach to addressing the issue.
conclusion summary
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay's main arguments and gives a clear indication of the proposed solutions.
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