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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people believe that the only important thing in life is his or her work. without a successful career, life is meaningless. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The statement refers to how some people wonder that having a successful
career
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 and being
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work oriented
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work-oriented
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 is the ultimate goal of
life
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, lack of which undoubtedly leaves
life
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 to be meaningless. Indeed, some seem to have
such
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 a mindset,
whereas
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, there are
also
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 those who consider
work
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 to be of less value than
life
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 itself. I disagree with the statement, and the essay will provide reasons with supporting examples.
To begin
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 with, for me and hopefully the majority,
life
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 constitutes emotions,
relationships
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,
religion
Correct word choice
and religion
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, and a successful
career
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 is not one of them.
In addition
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, success does not solely lie in external achievements like wealth or status. Many find meaning in personal growth,
relationships
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, creativity, or pursuing their passions.
As a result
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, a
life
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 filled with love, learning, and personal contentment is deeply meaningful. To illustrate, World Health Organisation (WHO)
in
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apply
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2016 conducted a survey,
wherein
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in wherein
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 90% of people who
were
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apply
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claimed they were depressed gave grounds that were
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work related
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work-related
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.
On the contrary
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 87% of people in another survey said that
relationships
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 and emotions fuel their
life
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. Be that as it may, having a successful
career
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 is a necessary evil. Provided that, it is impossible to deny that those working
high end
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high-end
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 jobs are living a superior
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
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 comparatively.
Life
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 now has become so fast and advanced that materialism is at
the
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its
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 peak. In turn,
this
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 can affect an inferior person mentally to some extent.
For instance
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, in a research conducted by my local community, it appeared that 75% of pupils living on the streets or having the fear of
such
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 were a consequence of
low quality
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low-quality
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 education, and in turn less providing jobs. In conclusion,
while
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 a successful
career
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 may offer material benefits, it is not the sole determinant of a meaningful
life
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. True
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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 often stems from personal
relationships
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, emotional well-being, and personal growth, highlighting that
life
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’s purpose extends beyond
work
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 and external achievements.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your ideas are logically sequenced.
task achievement
Incorporate more diverse and specific examples to support your points. This will help to make your argument more compelling and tangible.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and well articulated, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Emotional support
  • Companionship
  • Mental well-being
  • Passions
  • Personal development
  • Lifelong learning
  • Self-improvement
  • Physical health
  • Mental health
  • Altruism
  • Charitable activities
  • Professional achievements
  • Burnout
  • Spiritual growth
  • Cultural experiences
  • Legacy
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