some people believe that the only important thing in life is his or her work. without a successful career, life is meaningless. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The statement refers to how some people wonder that having a successful
career
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and being
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work oriented
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work-oriented

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is the ultimate goal of
life
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, lack of which undoubtedly leaves
life
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to be meaningless. Indeed, some seem to have
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a mindset,
whereas
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, there are
also
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those who consider
work
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to be of less value than
life
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itself. I disagree with the statement, and the essay will provide reasons with supporting examples.
To begin
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with, for me and hopefully the majority,
life
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constitutes emotions,
relationships
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,
religion
Correct word choice
and religion

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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, and a successful
career
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is not one of them.
In addition
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, success does not solely lie in external achievements like wealth or status. Many find meaning in personal growth,
relationships
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, creativity, or pursuing their passions.
As a result
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, a
life
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filled with love, learning, and personal contentment is deeply meaningful. To illustrate, World Health Organisation (WHO)
in
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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2016 conducted a survey,
wherein
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in wherein

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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90% of people who
were
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb were appears to be unnecessary here.

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claimed they were depressed gave grounds that were
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work related
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work-related

It appears that work related is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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.
On the contrary
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87% of people in another survey said that
relationships
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and emotions fuel their
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Be that as it may, having a successful
career
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is a necessary evil. Provided that, it is impossible to deny that those working
high end
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high-end

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jobs are living a superior
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life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle

The word life style seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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comparatively.
Life
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now has become so fast and advanced that materialism is at
the
Change the word
its

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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peak. In turn,
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

can affect an inferior person mentally to some extent.
For instance
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, in a research conducted by my local community, it appeared that 75% of pupils living on the streets or having the fear of
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

were a consequence of
low quality
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low-quality

It appears that low quality is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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education, and in turn less providing jobs. In conclusion,
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a successful
career
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

may offer material benefits, it is not the sole determinant of a meaningful
life
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. True
fulfillment
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fulfilment

The spelling of fulfillment is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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often stems from personal
relationships
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, emotional well-being, and personal growth, highlighting that
life
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’s purpose extends beyond
work
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and external achievements.

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next and that your ideas are logically sequenced.
task achievement
Incorporate more diverse and specific examples to support your points. This will help to make your argument more compelling and tangible.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and well articulated, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented are clear and comprehensive, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Emotional support
  • Companionship
  • Mental well-being
  • Passions
  • Personal development
  • Lifelong learning
  • Self-improvement
  • Physical health
  • Mental health
  • Altruism
  • Charitable activities
  • Professional achievements
  • Burnout
  • Spiritual growth
  • Cultural experiences
  • Legacy
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