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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

There is an increasing trend round the world to have a small family rather than a large family. What are some advantages and disadvantages of having a small family rather than a large family?

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There is no denying the fact that having a large family is a crucial thing for society.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that starting a big is extremely expensive.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the
one
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 hand, there are several reasons for increasing the number of parents who choose to start a tiny family
instead
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 of a large
one
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.
One
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 of the reasons is most parents nowadays have a job or two, so they do not have any time or energy to spend on taking care of lots of children, another reason is having a baby is very expensive in the modern country.
For instance
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, if you want your wife to give birth in
one
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 of the hospitals in New York State, the total amount of money you will spend is roughly 24,000 Dollars.
On the other hand
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, some people believe that every family must have at least 3 kids or more in order to grow the population, they say that starting a large family is a national duty for the parents.
For example
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 when the father and the mother decide to have a child or two،
as a result
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, after 150 years the total number of the population will be Zero.
In other words
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, mankind will be extinction if the birth rate is below 2.1 In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
nevertheless
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, I tend to believe that every parent has the right to decide how many kids they want to have, but it's
also
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 important for the population the get 3 children at least.

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each sentence contributes to the overall argument. There were a few areas where the argument could have been clearer.
coherence cohesion
Focus on using clear, concise language to ensure your ideas are effectively communicated. Some sentences could be made simpler for better understanding.
task achievement
Provide more relevant specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Develop each point more comprehensively to give a well-rounded response to the task. This includes adding more depth to your arguments and exploring different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your arguments effectively.
task achievement
You addressed the task fully by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of having a small family.
task achievement
Your examples, especially about the cost of childbirth in New York, were relevant and helped to illustrate your points.
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