Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
How
children
spend their free time
will have an incredible impact on children
's development in the future. While
some people believe that children
should be given sufficient free time
for their own management, others put more priority on the importance of the role of parents
. I generally agree with the former view as it leads to the growing power of self-management.
On the one hand, children
should be responsible for their acts
in their free time
as they are able to gain diverse skills and knowledge, which are essential in everyday life. In other words
, they are more encouraged to make individual plans, cooperate, and solve various issues by themselves through different activities and plays. For instance
, children
are encouraged to organize their play to their altering needs and mediate friends
if some conflicts should occur. Change preposition
with friends
Likewise
, they will naturally learn to establish intimate relationships as they respect mutual opinions in their disagreements. They should be patient enough to control themselves in order to achieve the common goals on their own if they are given much free time
. Not being able to rely on their parents
makes them more independent and matured
as they overcome a number of difficulties through many trials and errors.
Wrong verb form
mature
On the other hand
, regardless of the primary roles of children
in managing their free time
for their development, supervision from parents
is important to some extent to prevent their selfish acts
. For example
, many children
at an early age are not able to keep promises to their parents
and often end up playing video games for an excessive amount of time
. Furthermore
, their inability to self discipline brings negative consequences including deteriorating eyesight and shorter attention spans. This
leads to poor academic performance since many children
are immature enough to put regulations on their own acts
. Therefore
, parents
' intervention to manage children
's schedules is essential for their better growth from both perspectives of education and health.
In conclusion, various social skills will be promoted when children
are given the authority to manage their free time
. They are encouraged to be more responsible and independent through interaction with friends and diverse experiences. However
, parents
should pay careful attention to their acts
to ensure their safety and well-being.Submitted by mizuho on
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introduction conclusion present
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supported main points
The main points in the essay are supported and each paragraph's topic is clear. To enhance coherence, consider transitions that smoothly link these ideas.
logical structure
The essay presents a logical structure overall, but strive to make the argument and progression of ideas even more seamless. This will help in maintaining the reader's engagement.
complete response
Your essay successfully responds to the task by discussing both views and offering a personal opinion. Keep refining your argument to ensure all parts of the task are addressed equally.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas in the essay are clear and relatively well developed. However, seek to deepen the analysis of each view for a more comprehensive discussion.
relevant specific examples
Examples provided are relevant and support the points made. To improve, the inclusion of a wider range of specific examples could strengthen the argument.
