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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table in the above image shows the source of money for the police budget. The chart shows how it was spent. Both of these images capture data from the year 2017 to 2018.

The table in the above image shows the source of money for the police budget. The chart shows how it was spent. Both of these images capture data from the year 2017 to 2018.
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The table illustrates the different supplies of
money
Use synonyms
 for the police income, whilst the pie charts display how it was spent between the years 2017 and 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, the amount of total police budget was higher in 2018 than in 2017, whilst the proportion of the officers' salaries had
a drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
. The
money
Use synonyms
 that came from
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
 government was the main source for the budget both in 2017 and 2018. It had an increase
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2.3 million pounds
while
Linking Words
 the
money
Use synonyms
 coming from local taxes dramatically rose
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 more
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
than 10 million pounds in a year. It can be seen that there was almost
15
Correct article usage
a 15
show examples
 million pounds rise in total from 2017 to 2018.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
salaries
Correct article usage
the salaries
show examples
 of the officers and the staff had the biggest portion of spending
money
Use synonyms
 in 2017. Building and transport,
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 technological investments had the shares with 17% and 8% respectively in the same year. In 2018, wages kept
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 first place even if
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 declined by %6 to 69%. That 6% share of the budget was spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 technology in 2018, whilst the percentage of
money
Use synonyms
 spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 buildings and transport remained
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 same level at 17%.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words money with synonyms.
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