IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the highest qualification attained by sex for the working age population in wales in 2001/2002 summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons were relavant. The bar chart shows the highest qualification attained by sex for the working age population in wales in 2001/2002 summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons were relavant.

Error loading image :(
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram provides information about the highest level of education that has been obtained by the
working age
Add a hyphen
working-age

It seems that working age is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

show examples
 population by gender in Wales during 2001/2002.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it can be seen that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 of the women
has
Change the verb form
have

The verb has does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
 obtained
grade
Fix the agreement mistake
grades

It seems that grade may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 A-C in GCSE or equivalent
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 of the male population has passed GCE A level or equivalent.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are
considerable
Add an article
a considerable

The noun phrase considerable amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 amount of female and male percentages with no qualifications at all. People with a degree or higher education are considerably low compared to other categories regardless of gender with both proportions being less than 15% and less than 10% respectively. Even though
that
Correct determiner usage
apply

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

show examples
more men have passed educational exams, still there is
striking
Correct article usage
a striking

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
 proportion of people with no education at all in Wales back in 2001/2002 with a percentage of 20%.
Overall
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, more women of the population are GCSE qualified and more men of the citizens are GCE A level passed
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 more than 10% from both
gender
Change to a plural noun
genders

The singular countable noun gender follows the quantifier both, which requires a plural noun. Consider using a plural noun or a different quantifier.

show examples
 are graduates.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "considerable" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • qualification
  • attained
  • working age population
  • distribution
  • proportion
  • highly qualified
  • noticeable trends
  • patterns
  • significant
  • data
What to do next:
Look at other essays: