IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Nowadays more and more older people who are looking for work have to compete with younger people for the same jobs. What problems does this cause? What are some possible solutions?

#people #work #jobs
In
this
 technologically advanced world,
workforce
Add an article
the workforce
show examples
becomes
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 increasingly competitive,
older
Correct word choice
and older
show examples
 individuals looking for employment often find themselves in direct competition with younger people who are between 20-
35
Correct word choice
and 35
show examples
 ages.
This
 situation raises several challenges. One essential problem is that older workers may face age-related stereotypes, with employers assuming that they are less adaptable or less proficient with modern technologies.
Furthermore
, younger candidates are often seen as more effective, as they may accept lower salaries or possess more up-to-date skills.
This
 can result in longer periods of unemployment for older workers, leading to financial problem and their mental health. I want to write one of the solutions in order to solve these issues that companies should focus on creating different age teams and recognize the value of experience that older employees bring. Offering lifelong learning opportunities and training programs can help older workers remain relevant in a rapidly changing job sphere . Especially,
government
Add an article
a government
the government
show examples
 that
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 equal opportunities for all age groups can help reduce age discrimination. If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 implement
this
 solution, workplaces can become more inclusive and balanced.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Specific Examples
To achieve a higher score, consider adding more specific examples and supporting details. This would make your arguments more persuasive and substantial.
Complete Response
Try to expand a bit more on the solutions. Consider including a broader range of solutions to make your response more comprehensive.
Clear Ideas
While your ideas are generally clear, ensure that each paragraph has a single focus and that transitions guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
Structure
Your essay provides a good introduction and a clear conclusion, which helps structure the overall argument effectively.
Task Achievement
The essay identifies relevant problems concerning job competition between older and younger individuals, displaying a good understanding of the issue.
Solutions
The solutions provided, such as promoting lifelong learning, are logical and feasible, showing an awareness of practical steps forward.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!