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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people’s lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, inspite of greater responsibilities. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #years #time #people’s #lives #adult #life #happiness #inspite #responsibilities
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Whilst many argue that teenage years are more fun than adulthood, many think that being a grownup brings them more joy. I believe that being a
teenager
Use synonyms
 is the best phase of a person's life. On the one hand, being a
teenager
Use synonyms
 means an era filled with milestones and adventures with friends. Many middle-aged people are found depressed or bored
due to
Linking Words
 the lack of
adventures
Fix the agreement mistake
adventure
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 and novelty.
Whereas
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
apply
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teenagers,
they're
Wrong verb form
are
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 often found outside happy playing with friends and exploring new things.
For instance
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, when entering a school, it is mostly found that kids are the ones having fun and enjoying their time the most
while
Linking Words
 the adults are working.
This
Linking Words
 is why I believe it's fair to say that teenage years are the happiest times.
On the other hand
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, teenagers have fewer responsibilities and are less independent of themselves. Most teenagers have their parents or legal guardians spend on them and take care of them. But in terms of adults, they have to be independent and responsible for themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, because my brother grew older and graduated from university, he moved out and got a job in order to be more responsible for himself.
Thus
Linking Words
 being a
teenager
Use synonyms
 has more advantages when it comes to having fewer responsibilities. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 being an adult has
it's
Replace the word
its
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 advantages
yet
Correct word choice
apply
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I believe that the disadvantages
over come
Correct your spelling
overcome
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 it. being a
teenager
Use synonyms
 is indeed the best era in a person's life owing to the fewer responsibilities and more adventures made throughout the journey.
Submitted by linamazenaytah on

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task achievement
While your response addresses the topic and covers both perspectives, it could be more thorough in balancing the discussion of both views. Try to provide more in-depth analysis and examples for each viewpoint to demonstrate a complete understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Some sentences are too simplistic or informal for an academic essay. Introducing more complex sentence structures and a variety of vocabulary can help improve your essay's clarity and sophistication.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your points are clearly connected and that there is a logical flow from one idea to the next. Using appropriate linkers and signposting can help your essay appear more coherent and cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Try to develop each paragraph fully, with clear topic sentences and supporting details. This will help your main points to be more convincing and logically organized.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which helps in framing your essay well.
task achievement
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
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