Some people argue that school should no longer be necessary because children can obtain all the information that they need form the internet. They can learn and be educated at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no denying the fact that school is no longer important because kids can take what they need to learn from the internet. they can take their lessons online.
While
it is commonly held belief that some people are saying that children can learn from home, there is also
an argument that oppoese
it. In my opinion ,I consider that homeschooling is our way to the future.
Correct your spelling
oppose
opposes
to begin
with , online learning is really important because it is easy and effectively
. Change the word
effective
In other words
, it is simple as well as
you can study whenever you want. In
addition
it is really fun and Add a comma
addition,
intresting
so you will not feel bored when you are studying. Correct your spelling
interesting
For example
, youtube
is one of the ways that you can gain an understanding of cause Correct your spelling
YouTube
ther
are many different ways of taking lessons.
Another point to consider , Correct your spelling
there
Add a missing verb
is home
home schooling
is one of the best ways of studying because it saves time. It is possible to say that it is more comfortable than going to school Correct your spelling
homeschooling
as well as
it could help shy people to improve their skills. Moreover
Add a comma
,
For instance
, they could study from zoom
it is so easy and practical.
In conclusion, despite people having Capitalize word
Zoom
Correct your spelling
different
differnent
views, I believe Correct your spelling
different
Correct your spelling
that
thay
the educated must be Correct your spelling
that
in
home because it can help the students to improve their skills, have more time to do other things, Change preposition
at
Correct your spelling
helps
hepls
them in the future so we should stop schools and Verb problem
and help
foucse
on the net and Correct your spelling
focused
focuses
focus
thats
all i have to sayCorrect your spelling
that's
Submitted by daliahmohsn9 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence/cohesion
Improve essay organization and structure. The essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea with clear connections to your overall argument.
task achievement
Expand your arguments with more detailed explanations and specific examples. This will strengthen your points and improve the clarity of your ideas.
general
Pay attention to grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Correcting minor errors can substantially improve the readability and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic, supporting the idea of homeschooling.
coherence/cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's position.
task achievement
Use of examples like YouTube and Zoom illustrates points and makes the essay relatable.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!