IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 0.5

Some people say children should take their parents advice others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #children #parents #advice
The influence of the parents' advice on
children
Change noun form
children's
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decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
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 is a topic that evokes diverse opinions. Some people assert that taking guidance from the parents is advantageous
while
 others oppose
this
 opinion. I think children should be allowed to
take
Correct your spelling
make
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 decisions, but they need
the
Correct article usage
apply
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guidance and support from their parents to follow the directions favourable to them. On the one hand,
Submitted by kulanmolnaib on

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task achievement
Your introduction is good and sets the stage effectively for the discussion. However, you should aim to develop your main points in the subsequent paragraphs for completeness.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph contains one clear central idea and is well developed with specific examples or explanations. This will help you achieve a higher score in supporting main points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay should have a clear conclusion to reiterate your stance and sum up the discussion. This would improve the logical structure and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
To further enhance your response, provide more relevant specific examples to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Your introduction is engaging and clearly outlines the two viewpoints.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is generally clear and easy to follow, which is good for coherence and cohesion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • generation gap
  • authoritative
  • nurturing
  • autonomy
  • independence
  • life experience
  • peer pressure
  • values and morals
  • guidance
  • mentor
  • perspective
  • decision-making skills
What to do next:
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