Many believe that government surveillance and data collection badly affect individual privacy, but others think these are necessary for national security. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.[265]

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With the overwhelming proliferation of mass
surveillance
and
data gathering
Add a hyphen
data-gathering
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technology, many individuals have raised ethical questions concerning the infringement of personal privacy. Supporters,
on the other hand
, debate that national
safety
necessitates
such
scrutiny of citizens. In
this
essay, both viewpoints will be thoroughly discussed, after which my own stance will be provided and substantiated. On the one hand, critics of governmental monitoring and
data
amassing argue that
such
surveillance
tends to expose scrutinized citizens to distress and abuse. Multiple tools,
such
as biometrics, communications interception, and closed-circuit television cameras are utilized by some
authority
Fix the agreement mistake
authorities
show examples
to monitor and record knowledge about individuals surreptitiously on a massive scale. The non-uniqueness and immutability of information may facilitate illegal disclosure to third parties, who are prone to ply
such
data
resources for other reasons. A manifest example
for
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of
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this
phenomenon is identity theft, which has resulted in immense cash losses, bankruptcy, and a lowered sense of public
safety
. Given the severity and complexity of those crimes, citizens are eligible to think that the perceived public good at the expense of their personal privacy may not justify the pernicious impact deriving from unfettered government
surveillance
.
On the other hand
, a school of thought held by advocates is that
joined up
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joined-up
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surveillance
and information harvesting can elevate national security
as well as
enhance public health. In terms of citizens’
safety
, the majority of monitoring devices, one of which is CCTV cameras, help the authority exert more crime control through the reinforcement of an epistemic asymmetry.
For example
, providing that many cameras are hidden in plain sight, innocent pedestrians may not necessarily notice them;
however
, potential criminals will be effectively deterred by their unnerving presence , ensuring the well-being of nearby inhabitants. Another point in
favor
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favour
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of government
surveillance
is its indispensable part in disease prevention in the form of contact tracing and vaccine recordings. Without medical information reaped from individuals, numerous health goals,
such
as disease control, would hardly be fulfilled. In conclusion, given the indisputable importance of mass
surveillance
and
data
collection in improving the
nations’
Correct your spelling
nation’s
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safety
and healthcare conditions,
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
of
such
systems is advisable.
However
, the present ways of conduct are still highly susceptible to misuse, which, from my perspective, can be bettered through the specification of the locations, methods, and purposes of
data
collection.
Such
clarity helps the government avert the risk of eroding the right to privacy
while
maintaining the aforementioned
safety
benefits.
Submitted by Andy on

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task achievement
Although your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, there are a few areas that could use enhancement. For instance, some of your points, such as the identity theft example, could be further expanded to elaborate on their connection to the essay's central idea. This would make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas. This can help the essay flow even more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to follow your line of reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph clearly has one main idea. Sometimes a paragraph may touch on too many points, making it hard for the reader to connect them to the central argument. Splitting such content into multiple paragraphs can improve clarity.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the arguments that follow. It gives a clear overview of both perspectives and introduces your stance succinctly.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion is well-rounded, summing up the discussed points while offering a balanced viewpoint on the issue. It also suggests a practical solution, which is commendable.
logical structure
You have presented a well-structured essay with a logical flow of ideas. Each paragraph leads nicely into the next, making your arguments easy to follow.
supported main points
Relevant and specific examples, such as the use of CCTV cameras and the issue of identity theft, help to support your arguments effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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