Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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Nowadays everyone around us has access to devices

such

Linking Words

as,

smartphones

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encluding

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including

show examples

children

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. The

perpuse

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purpose

of these devices

are

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show examples

to help

children

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in their education but,

unfortunately

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unfortunately,

show examples

some

children

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use their

smartphones

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for

hourse

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hours

to entertain themselves.

Linking Words

However

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However,

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I believe

this

Linking Words

effecting

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affecting

show examples

children

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negatively for many reasons. In

this

Linking Words

essay

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essay,

show examples

I will first

eplore

Correct your spelling

explore

why kids are

miss using

Wrong verb form

misusing

show examples

smartphones

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and explain my opinion in detail.

To begin

Linking Words

with, kids are

reflect

Wrong verb form

reflected

show examples

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show examples

their parents, in modern life almost

every thing

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everything

show examples

is done

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with

show examples

gadgets followed by that, individuals have to work with them 24 hours in order to do their work and communicate with

other

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others

show examples

. When

children

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see that without understanding the reason behind their

parents

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parent's

parents'

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action

Fix the agreement mistake

actions

show examples

, they think

that is

Linking Words

the right thing to do so they start spending time

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show examples

their devices. To be continued, gadgets have many

bad

Correct word choice

negative

show examples

impacts on

children

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Firstly

Linking Words

, the

radiationgenerated

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radiation generated

from the device

are

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show examples

harmful

for

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show examples

their vision.

For instance

Linking Words

, my

ten years old

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ten-year-old

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brother used to spend a lot of time on

laptop

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his laptop

show examples

as a result

Linking Words

, his eyes got

perminantly

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permanently

ingered

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injured

lingered

. because of

that

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that,

show examples

he had to

ware

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wear

show examples

eye glasses

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eyeglasses

show examples

for the rest of his life. He felt he looked ugly with the glasses and was hardly connecting with

children

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. Modern

device

Fix the agreement mistake

devices

show examples

not only

hearts

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hurt

show examples

children

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physicaly

Correct your spelling

physically

Correct pronoun usage

they

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also

Linking Words

impact

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their mental health

negativaly

Correct your spelling

negatively

Secondly

Linking Words

smartphones

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are

also

Linking Words

adictive

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addictive

children

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faslty get attached to things. When they spend hours looking at the screen and playing video games and

whatching

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watching

movies they will get used to that

rootin

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routine

root in

and

this

Linking Words

will affect their education

negativaly

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negatively

To conclude

Linking Words

smartphones

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are harmful to

children

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in many ways. They

their

Add a missing verb

have their

show examples

health and their success in school. I think parents should spend some time explaining

for

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show examples

their

children

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the correct way of using

smartphones

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Aditionally

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Additionally

, it is better to give access to

children

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this

Linking Words

kind of device only when it is vital.

Submitted by hadisbereihi657 on Sun Sep 15 2024

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Coherence and Cohesion

The essay should provide smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve overall coherence. Ensure each paragraph logically leads into the next, and use linking words or phrases to connect ideas.

Task Achievement

Work on improving the grammatical accuracy and spelling in the essay. Frequent errors detract from the overall flow and clarity of the writing. For example, words like 'perpuse' should be corrected to 'purpose', and 'hourse' should be corrected to 'hours'.

Task Achievement

The essay should aim to provide more structured and well-supported examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, the example about the brother's vision could be elaborated to provide more context.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.

Task Achievement

The main points are generally supported with examples and explanations, showing an attempt to validate the arguments given.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
42
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5

5.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

5.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

5.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

319 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits in society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the advantages?

Education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree

The massive movement of people from agricultural areas to cities in search of employment can lead to serious problems in both places. What are the problems, and how can these be solved?

In some countries, the average body weight is increasing, health and fitness levels are decreasing, what are the causes for this problem and what measeure can be taken to prevent this ?

Remote work has drastically improved productivity. This boost in productivity is attributed to the improved work-life balance that becomes more attainable when working from home. To what extent do you agree?