Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays everyone around us has access to devices
such
as, smartphones
encluding
Correct your spelling
including
children
. The perpuse
of these devices Correct your spelling
purpose
are
to help Change the verb form
is
children
in their education but, unfortunately
some Add a comma
unfortunately,
children
use their smartphones
for hourse
to entertain themselves. Correct your spelling
hours
However
I believe Add a comma
However,
this
is effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
children
negatively for many reasons. In this
essay
I will first Add a comma
essay,
eplore
why kids are Correct your spelling
explore
miss using
Wrong verb form
misusing
smartphones
and explain my opinion in detail.
To begin
with, kids are reflect
Wrong verb form
reflected
of
their parents, in modern life almost Change preposition
by
every thing
is done Correct your spelling
everything
by
gadgets followed by that, individuals have to work with them 24 hours in order to do their work and communicate with Change preposition
with
other
. When Correct pronoun usage
others
children
see that without understanding the reason behind their parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
action
, they think Fix the agreement mistake
actions
that is
the right thing to do so they start spending time in
their devices.
To be continued, gadgets have many Change preposition
on
bad
impacts on Correct word choice
negative
children
. Firstly
, the radiationgenerated
from the device Correct your spelling
radiation generated
are
harmful Correct subject-verb agreement
is
for
their vision. Change the preposition
to
For instance
, my ten years old
brother used to spend a lot of time on Correct your spelling
ten-year-old
laptop
Correct pronoun usage
his laptop
as a result
, his eyes got perminantly
Correct your spelling
permanently
ingered
. because of Correct your spelling
injured
lingered
that
he had to Add a comma
that,
ware
Correct your spelling
wear
eye glasses
for the rest of his life. He felt he looked ugly with the glasses and was hardly connecting with Correct your spelling
eyeglasses
children
. Modern device
not only Fix the agreement mistake
devices
hearts
Correct your spelling
hurt
children
physicaly
Correct your spelling
physically
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
also
impact on
their mental health Change preposition
apply
negativaly
. Correct your spelling
negatively
Secondly
, smartphones
are also
adictive
. Correct your spelling
addictive
children
faslty get attached to things. When they spend hours looking at the screen and playing video games and whatching
movies they will get used to that Correct your spelling
watching
rootin
and Correct your spelling
routine
root in
this
will affect their education negativaly
.
Correct your spelling
negatively
To conclude
, smartphones
are harmful to children
in many ways. They their
health and their success in school. I think parents should spend some time explaining Add a missing verb
have their
for
their Change preposition
to
children
the correct way of using smartphones
. Aditionally
, it is better to give access to Correct your spelling
Additionally
children
on this
kind of device only when it is vital.Submitted by hadisbereihi657 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay should provide smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve overall coherence. Ensure each paragraph logically leads into the next, and use linking words or phrases to connect ideas.
Task Achievement
Work on improving the grammatical accuracy and spelling in the essay. Frequent errors detract from the overall flow and clarity of the writing. For example, words like 'perpuse' should be corrected to 'purpose', and 'hourse' should be corrected to 'hours'.
Task Achievement
The essay should aim to provide more structured and well-supported examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, the example about the brother's vision could be elaborated to provide more context.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion well.
Task Achievement
The main points are generally supported with examples and explanations, showing an attempt to validate the arguments given.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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