IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think the manufacturers and shopping malls should sell fewer packaged products while others argue that people have the responsibility to buy products with less packaging.

#people #manufacturers #malls #products #responsibility
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Nowadays
waste
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such
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 as plastic and paper has increased by 10% each year damaging the environment. Some people believe factories and shops should offer less packaged
products
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. Others consider each individual as one who decides to buy a certain amount of packaged
items
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. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. First of all, those who create the product and sell it have the power in their hands. If a seller produces or offers less packaged
products
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, it would help the buyer's behaviour to stop adding up to the
waste
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.
For example
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, in Australia, there is 15% of customers buy package-free
products
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 from companies who are offering their
items
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 without any package and it is a growing tendency.
However
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, it is said that Individuals are the ones responsible for excessive packaging when they buy
items
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. Social behaviour can change if each person is conscious of the negative impact it has on buying
items
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 with unnecessary packaging. If people buy extra packaging
items
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 it might lead to polluting our environment.
According to
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 a scientist from National
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geographic,
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geographic
Capitalize word
Geographic
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 "If each person becomes aware and stops purchasing over-packaged
items
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,
this
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 will lead to a 10% reduction in
waste
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 per year.”
To sum up
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, if factories make a product package-free
then
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 the reproduction of useless packaging will be controlled from the start.
In contrast
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, each individual has the power to choose better and change cultural behaviour when purchasing
products
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 with less packaging. In my opinion, both parties share the responsibility to reduce packaging that becomes
waste
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 and harms the environment.
Submitted by Andrea Barreto on

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task achievement
You seem to have discussed both views and have given your own opinion as required by the task. However, ensure that you expand on these ideas further to address all parts of the task more fully for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure could be improved by creating clearer transitions between ideas and paragraphs, ensuring that each paragraph introduces its main idea effectively. Using a range of cohesive devices consistently will also help improve your score in this area.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • excessive packaging
  • plastic waste
  • environmental impact
  • sustainable production
  • consumption
  • eco-friendly lifestyle
  • raise awareness
  • informed choices
  • personal carbon footprint
  • prioritize environmental sustainability
  • reduce packaging waste
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