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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #centre #melbourne #australia #period
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The provided graph indicates how many people participated
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different activities at one social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 in Melbourne Australia over a
twenty -year
Correct your spelling
twenty-year
show examples
period
Use synonyms
 between 2000 and 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is
clear
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clearly
show examples
 seen that the number of participants, who visited
table
Use synonyms
 tennis and musical performances were a consistent increase,
while
Linking Words
 demand for
amaleur
Correct your spelling
amateur
 dramatics declined significantly over the analyzed
period
Use synonyms
. The
table
Use synonyms
 data obviously shows that at the beginning of the
period
Use synonyms
 close to 18 people visited in
table
Use synonyms
 tennis,
then
Linking Words
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 2010 increased slightly, from 2010 to 2020
sored
Verb problem
apply
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and reached approximately 56 numbers.
By
Linking Words
contrast
Add a comma
contrast,
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 the number of visitors
Change preposition
to amaleur
show examples
amaleur
Correct your spelling
amateur
 dramatics
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a steady decrease throughout the
ovserved
Correct your spelling
observed
period
Use synonyms
. If we look at
table
Use synonyms
 tennis and musical
performance
Fix the agreement mistake
performances
show examples
 were similar upward
trend
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trends
show examples
. The number of participants
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 roughly 75 collectively. Over the analyzed
period
Use synonyms
 visitors of film club and martial arts did not change. At the beginning of the
year
Add a comma
year,
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 it remained the same
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words period, table with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participants
  • social centre
  • comparison
  • trends
  • consistently popular
  • gained popularity
  • lost popularity
  • community interest
  • availability of facilities
  • social factors
  • economic factors
  • external events
  • economic downturns
  • health crises
  • demographic changes
  • aging population
  • marketing
  • community outreach programs
  • participation rates
  • Melbourne
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