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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social center in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020.
#information #numbers #participants #activities #center #melbourne #australia #period
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In the graph seen, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 information which
describe
Change the verb form
describes
show examples
 the main
activities
Use synonyms
 held by
participants
Use synonyms
 in one of the social
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in Melbourne, Australia from 2000 to 2020. These
activities
Use synonyms
 passed through ups and downs in terms of the general participation by
users
Use synonyms
.
Film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 is the only
activity
Use synonyms
 which can be considered as a consistent
activity
Use synonyms
 throughout these two decades. Meanwhile,
Table
Use synonyms
tennis
Use synonyms
 faced a huge linear breakthrough in
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of its
participants
Use synonyms
 in 2010. Generally speaking, the mentioned social
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 contains different
activities
Use synonyms
 from
Film
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club
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, to martial arts, amateur dramatics,
table
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tennis
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, to musical
performances
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. All of these
activities
Use synonyms
 were
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
done by
participants
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 from
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2000 to 2005 except musical
performances
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. Musical
performances
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maybe was
Verb problem
may
show examples
 not an option at that time.
Film
Use synonyms
club
Use synonyms
 as mentioned before is the most consistent
activity
Use synonyms
 where
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
users
Use synonyms
 in 20
years
Use synonyms
 was somehow the same which is approximately 65
users
Use synonyms
 with
error
Add an article
an error
show examples
 range of 5
users
Use synonyms
 plus or minus. Martial arts
also
Linking Words
 can be termed as "consistent" where
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of its
participants
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
number is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
averaged between 32 to 40
users
Use synonyms
 throughout these 20
years
Use synonyms
. Other
activities
Use synonyms
 are not as consistent as martial arts and
film
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
. Taking
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 example, the amateur dramatics. It's the only
activity
Use synonyms
which
Change preposition
in which
show examples
 its
number
Use synonyms
 of
users
Use synonyms
 decreased in the two decades
instead
Linking Words
 of being increased. In
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 2000 there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 like 25
users
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
activity
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 meanwhile in 2020 there
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 just like 7
users
Use synonyms
. Other
activities
Use synonyms
 like
table
Use synonyms
tennis
Use synonyms
 and musical
performances
Use synonyms
 became more likeable throughout the
years
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
is shown
Wrong verb form
shows
show examples
 that in 15
years
Use synonyms
,
Use synonyms
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
users
Use synonyms
 became 15
users
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
number
Change the article
the number
show examples
 of
users
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 of
table
Use synonyms
tennis
Use synonyms
 increased
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 35
users
Use synonyms
 in these two decades from 15
user
Change to a plural noun
users
show examples
 only to 50.
Submitted by jawdat.lubadeh123 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words activities, participants, users, film, club, activity, table, tennis, number, performances, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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