Many people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.
People think
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
provision
is a solution for public Use synonyms
health
improvement. Others say other indicators are needed because facility addition would not improve public Use synonyms
health
. Providing Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
can be a tangible action from the government to improve public Use synonyms
health
. Use synonyms
However
, providing other measures, Linking Words
such
as education about public Linking Words
health
is Use synonyms
also
required.
Generally, Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
provision
promotes Use synonyms
resident
to exercise regularly. Fix the agreement mistake
residents
This
Linking Words
provision
is Use synonyms
an evidence
that the government is serious Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
in
supporting society to have Change preposition
about
healthy
life. Add an article
a healthy
Conversely
, Linking Words
minuscule
number of Change the article
a minuscule
the minuscule
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
hinders people Use synonyms
in
improving their Change preposition
from
health
. Use synonyms
For instance
, individuals who are provided with Linking Words
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
facilities
have Use synonyms
higher
chance of doing exercise than those who do not because it is more accessible and inexpensive.
Add an article
a higher
However
, providing Linking Words
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
might not instantly improve public Use synonyms
health
, because the will of doing Use synonyms
sport
should come from themselves. Rather than only providing physical Use synonyms
facilities
, the government Use synonyms
instead
can increase public knowledge through educating people about Linking Words
health
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, education will give civil society comprehension that Linking Words
healthy
life is not only acquired through undertaking Correct article usage
a healthy
Use synonyms
sport
but Fix the agreement mistake
sports
also
from Linking Words
healthier
diet and lifestyle Correct article usage
a healthier
such
as ample time of sleep.
Linking Words
To conclude
, I believe Linking Words
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
facilities
Use synonyms
provision
is more effective Use synonyms
to improve
public Change preposition
in improving
health
because currently housing Use synonyms
area
which Fix the agreement mistake
areas
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
with
Change preposition
apply
sports
Use synonyms
facilities
Use synonyms
is
still limited and most likely only Correct subject-verb agreement
are
exists
in urban Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
However
, other measures Linking Words
such
as public Linking Words
health
education can be an alternative to improve public knowledge about Use synonyms
health
to support the physical Use synonyms
health
facility.Use synonyms
Submitted by sariksma on
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relevant specific examples
Try to expand on examples with more detail or additional examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, mentioning statistical data or specific success stories related to health improvements due to increased sports facilities.
logical structure
Work on sentence variety and structure to add smooth transitions between ideas. This can be achieved by using different types of conjunctions or transitional phrases.
complete response
You have provided a balanced discussion of both views and reached a well-justified opinion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and align well with the main points discussed in the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are clearly presented, and main points are sufficiently elaborated.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?