Many people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both of these views and give your opinion.

People think
sports
facilities
provision
is a solution for public
health
improvement. Others say other indicators are needed because facility addition would not improve public
health
. Providing
sports
facilities
can be a tangible action from the government to improve public
health
.
However
, providing other measures,
such
as education about public
health
is
also
required. Generally,
sports
facilities
provision
promotes
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
to exercise regularly.
This
provision
is
an evidence
Remove the article
evidence
a piece of evidence
a shred of evidence
show examples
that the government is serious
in
Change preposition
about
show examples
supporting society to have
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
life.
Conversely
,
minuscule
Change the article
a minuscule
the minuscule
show examples
number of
sports
facilities
hinders people
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
improving their
health
.
For instance
, individuals who are provided with
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
have
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
chance of doing exercise than those who do not because it is more accessible and inexpensive.
However
, providing
sports
facilities
might not instantly improve public
health
, because the will of doing
sport
should come from themselves. Rather than only providing physical
facilities
, the government
instead
can increase public knowledge through educating people about
health
.
Furthermore
, education will give civil society comprehension that
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
life is not only acquired through undertaking
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
but
also
from
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
diet and lifestyle
such
as ample time of sleep.
To conclude
, I believe
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
provision
is more effective
to improve
Change preposition
in improving
show examples
public
health
because currently housing
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
which
provided
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sports
facilities
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
still limited and most likely only
exists
Correct subject-verb agreement
exist
show examples
in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
.
However
, other measures
such
as public
health
education can be an alternative to improve public knowledge about
health
to support the physical
health
facility.
Submitted by sariksma on

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relevant specific examples
Try to expand on examples with more detail or additional examples to strengthen arguments. For instance, mentioning statistical data or specific success stories related to health improvements due to increased sports facilities.
logical structure
Work on sentence variety and structure to add smooth transitions between ideas. This can be achieved by using different types of conjunctions or transitional phrases.
complete response
You have provided a balanced discussion of both views and reached a well-justified opinion.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and align well with the main points discussed in the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas are clearly presented, and main points are sufficiently elaborated.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • chronic diseases
  • preventative care
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • health initiatives
  • health education campaigns
  • social interaction
  • mental wellbeing
  • motivation
  • accessible venues
  • active lifestyle
  • quality healthcare
  • community hubs
  • multipronged approach
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