IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The working week should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend. Do you agree or disagree?

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I firmly agree with the statement that
weekends
Use synonyms
 should be extended so that employees can work less.
This
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 essay will explore several reasons why I believe the working week should be shortened.
To begin
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 with, work can often be extremely challenging for employees, and the current length of
weekends
Use synonyms
 is not enough for them to fully unwind. By extending
weekends
Use synonyms
,
workers
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 would have more opportunities to spend
time
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 with their families, which plays a vital role in improving their productivity.
This
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 is because spending more
time
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 with family contributes to the
overall
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 well-being of
workers
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, which is closely linked to their performance at work.
Additionally
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, ensuring sufficient
time
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 for rest is crucial for maintaining physical
health
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.
Therefore
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, longer
weekends
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 are essential for both the mental and physical
health
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 of
workers
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.
For instance
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, recent research has demonstrated that overworking can negatively impact a person's well-being, potentially leading to chronic
health
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 issues
such
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 as heart disease or insomnia.
Furthermore
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, having adequate
time
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 to rest is a basic human right that should be guaranteed. Extending
weekends
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 is an important aspect of fulfilling these needs because
workers
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 are not robots that can function endlessly without breaks. Every individual has their own personal goals and passions, and to pursue these, sufficient free
time
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 must be provided.
For example
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, an engineer may
also
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 want to write poetry as a hobby, and
weekends
Use synonyms
 might be the only
time
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 for them to engage in
such
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 interests. In conclusion,
weekends
Use synonyms
 should be extended and the working week shortened to improve the
health
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 and productivity of employees. Overworking is associated with numerous
health
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 problems, and considering the importance of family
time
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 and personal interests, it is a natural right for
workers
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 to have longer
weekends
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.

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task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task, providing a complete response with clear and comprehensive ideas. However, for an even more compelling argument, you could add a counter-argument to show the benefits of the current workweek and refute it.
coherence cohesion
Improving coherence and cohesion can be achieved by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs smoothly. For instance, use transitional phrases such as 'Moreover', 'Consequently', and 'In addition', to further enhance the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main points that will be discussed, providing a strong foundation for the essay.
supported main points
You provide clear, logical arguments and support your points with relevant specific examples, such as the research on overworking and its negative effects.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your position on the topic, providing a satisfactory end to the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • motivation
  • mental well-being
  • work-life balance
  • job satisfaction
  • pollution levels
  • traffic congestion
  • consumer spending
  • economic implications
  • leisure and service sectors
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