IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts above show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report of at least 150 words describing the information shown.

The charts above show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market. Write a report of at least 150 words describing the information shown.
#show #japanese #tourists #australia’s #tourist #market #report #information
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The charts describe two main topics, the first is the number of
Japanese
 tourists travelling outside their country between 1985 and 1995. The second topic is the
percentage
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Japanese
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 from the
overall
 tourists to Australia in the same period. The first chart gives a general positive linear change in the number of
Japanese
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 in the mentioned decade. Starting from
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1985, there
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 almost 4.5 million people
travlled
Correct your spelling
travelling
 outside Japan
where
Correct word choice
whereas
show examples
 in 1995, the number became around 14.5
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
. Simply, every
year
 there is an increase in
Japanese
traveler
Fix the agreement mistake
travelers
show examples
 by approximately 1 million
traveler
Change to a plural noun
travelers
show examples
 which is astonishing. Moving to Australia, It's shown that before
year
Change the article
the year
show examples
 1985, the
percentage
 of
Japanese
 visitors to Australia from the whole
visitors
Correct quantifier usage
number of visitors
show examples
 was almost 0%. But,
year
 by
year
, it's observed that the rate is increasing to
a local maxima
Correct the article-noun agreement
a local maximum
local maxima
show examples
 in
year
Add an article
the year
a year
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1988
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 the
percentage
 was around 4.7%. In 1989, the rate
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased by almost 0.5% from the previous
year
. It's noted that after the mentioned decrease, the
percentage
 continued
in increasing
Change preposition
to increase
show examples
 in a linear form to 1995.
Submitted by jawdat.lubadeh123 on

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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japanese, percentage, year with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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