IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#universities #numbers #students
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a suggested idea about accepting male and female
students
 in
universities
 equally
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any topic. In my opinion, I decline
this
 thought. From the past until now, we have had widespread fields of study in
universities
 most of them related to both genders. But, some of them were dedicated to a specific gender. At present,
this
 process has been continuing in the world.
For instance
, some jobs need to be tolerated in hard conditions like sea engineering because they need to stay on a ship in the ocean for a long time.
On the other hand
, there is a field of medical profession
that is
 devoted to breeding a baby and it is better that the doctor would be a female.
Moreover
, these doctors have a special ability to make them calm to listen to
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 speaking patiently.
According to
 these reasons, all
universities
 cannot accept males and females equally in every subject.
In addition
, managing the capacity of attendance would be hard. So, it should not be a fixed rule for
students
 in
universities
.
Furthermore
, tendencies and passions have changed in both males and females.
Thus
,
universities
 do not have constant regulations about picking a subject by
students
. As a matter of fact, all
universities
 should provide good facilities for
students
 to study in high quality and support them to have related jobs in future.
Therefore
, the quantity of members is not important in
universities
.
To sum up
,
universities
 should just allow female and male
students
 with the same number in every topic.
While
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 idea is completely wrong and
has
Verb problem
will cause
show examples
 many troubles for both
students
 and managers in future.
Submitted by brightstargalaxy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences within the paragraph relate directly to that topic. This will help in achieving a more logical structure.
task achievement
Some points could be more developed. For example, discussing the changing tendencies and passions in more detail will help in making the argument more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the writer's stance on the issue.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as those related to sea engineering and medical professions, help illustrate the writer's points effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender diversity
  • fostering innovation
  • educational experience
  • enforcing gender quotas
  • merit and potential
  • individual achievements
  • natural differences
  • gender equality
  • reducing gender stereotypes
  • balanced workforce
  • traditionally male-dominated or female-dominated fields
  • fluctuating applicant numbers
  • compromise on quality
  • diversity aspects
What to do next:
Look at other essays: