IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people argue that advertising alcohol should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 hold the belief that it should be illegal to advertise
alcohol
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.
This
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 essay completely agrees with
this
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 opinion for several reasons. The first reason behind my belief is that drinking can have some negative effects on the health of consumers.
This
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 is because some
people
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 tend to over-consume alcoholic products and
thus
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 can eventually become addicted to these drinks.
As a result
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, these addicts can be at higher risk of liver diseases
as a consequence
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 of long-term
alcohol
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 consumption.
This
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 can be seen in Vietnam where several young
people
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 have developed liver cancers or died from irreversible brain and liver damage
as a result
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 of their drinking habits.
This
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 is why I believe that a ban on advertising alcoholic products can reduce the number of drinkers and
therefore
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 should be helpful to reduce the impacts of
alcohol
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 on human health. Another point worth mentioning is that heavy drinking can lead to complicated social issues. The reason for
this
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 is that when some
people
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 become intoxicated, they tend to lose control of themselves.
This
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 can result in the fact that some
people
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 may demonstrate aggressive behaviours and get involved in violence or even criminal activities. Countless
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 examples have shown that
people
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, especially men, tend to commit crimes
such
Linking Words
 as vandalism and murder when they get drunk. For these reasons, I think that banning companies from marketing
alcohol
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 can prevent several
people
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 from drinking, thereby contributing to a reduction in crime rates associated with
alcohol
Use synonyms
 consumption. In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea of a ban being imposed on beers, wines and other alcoholic beverages.

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task achievement
Expand on your ideas for more depth and understanding.
coherence
Use clearer linking words for better flow within paragraphs.
task achievement
Add a specific example in the conclusion to reinforce your opinion.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement{
You provided good examples to support your points.
coherence
Your conclusion summarizes your main ideas well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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