Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, inspite of great responsibilitues. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?
Happiness
is an integral part of humans’ lives. While
some people argue that, it is teenagers
who experience the highest level of joy in their life
, others mention that despite more
Correct article usage
the more
responsivities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
adults
have, they have happier
lifestyle. I go Add an article
a happier
along with
the first group’s view, and I will explore both views in the following essay.
To begin
with, the less stress teenagers
have, the more they are happy. In other words
, majority
of youngster are free from daily Correct article usage
the majority
responsibilities
and they have much more free time to do leisure activities such
as playing games, through which they enjoy their moments. Furthermore
, the level of interactions are
extremely high among Change the verb form
is
teenagers
, resulting in larger
circle of friends, with which teens can spend their days happily. Apart Add an article
a larger
the larger
of
that Change preposition
from
due to
their position in families, they always have the family’s full support when they face predicaments. In my opinion, due to
these factors
they would experience lower Add a comma
factors,
level
of stress and anxiety, leading to a much more happier Fix the agreement mistake
levels
life
.
On the other hand
, adult life
would create more opportunities to enjoy the
Correct article usage
apply
life
because of being independent. It means that, although
most of
Change preposition
apply
adults
would feel constrained by new responsibilities
after leaving the nest, they acknowledge that there are various opportunities, through which they can seek what they desire. In addition
, achieving the childhood dream can bring a deep sense of satisfaction for
Change preposition
to
adults
. I believe, though, due to
endless
Correct article usage
the endless
responsibilities
adults
have such
as growing
their children Verb problem
raising
as well as
overwhelming situations like dealing with life
expenses, they would not find the
permanent Correct article usage
apply
happiness
in their life
. Their responsibility to keep their children safe and happy, Fix the agreement mistake
lives
for example
, is a heavy burden on their shoulders and they always put their children over themselves.
In conclusion, although
in some people’s view
Add a comma
view,
teenagers
experience the
Correct article usage
a
happiness
period in their Replace the word
happy
life
, others believe that people in their adulthood will have a happier life
. In my opinion, adults
would not feel happiness
, unless their Replace the word
happy
responsibilities
eliminated
as Add a missing verb
were eliminated
youngster
.Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
Submitted by fa.soleiman on
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task
Your essay addresses the task very well by discussing both views and giving your own opinion. However, you could improve by integrating more specific examples to reinforce your points.
coherence and cohesion
While your arguments are generally well-structured and coherent, there are a few areas where transitions between ideas could be smoother to enhance the overall flow.
language
Be mindful of minor grammatical errors and word choices to ensure clarity and precision in your writing.
task
You have provided a clear and comprehensive response to the task by discussing both viewpoints and giving your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively presented, framing your essay well.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.