IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children.

#children #time #television
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Nowadays, there are a lot of good
things
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. These
Add a missing verb
are one
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one
Correct determiner usage
some
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 of
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things
Correct article usage
the things
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 that
affects
Correct subject-verb agreement
affect
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 our
children
Change noun form
children's
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Watching
television
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 is one of the
things
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.
Some
Change preposition
For some
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 people
this
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 is a positive idea,
while
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 others disagree and think it is a waste of
time
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.
This
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 essay agrees
that
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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watching
television
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 is useful.
this
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 essay will discuss both points of view. First of all, Watching
television
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 for children is useful, to explain that , the
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 has
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of different channels ,
such
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 as educational programs, sports and cartoons .
In addition
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 to that,
television
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 is helpful for some kids, to illustrate that, the new version of
television
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 become bigger.
For
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example
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, in my country some people and I
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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use mobile
on
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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television
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 to study for exams.
On the other hand
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 ,
television
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 can be harmful,
in other words
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 , if they stay
to watch
Change the verb form
watching
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 for
long
Change the article
a long
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time
Use synonyms
 they could get
Correct article usage
an eyes
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eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
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 infection, as an
example
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for
Change preposition
apply
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, some people
uses
Change the verb form
use
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 eyeglasses because
thiar
Correct your spelling
their
this
 eyesight becomes weak from watching
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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with out
Correct your spelling
without
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 protection, Not only that,
television
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 waste
time
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, as an
example
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 for that some kids could become distracted from their own life and stay focused on watching movies ,to give a clear
example
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, from my experience,my youngest brother is addicted to
television
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 so he always stay on watching and got distracted from hes school homeworks. In my opinion, after a detailed review of both points of view, I believe that
Television
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 is very helpful when you use it
on
Change preposition
in
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 your free
time
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 it
has
Verb problem
is
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 kind of
entertainment
Replace the word
entertaining
show examples
Use synonyms
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
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 since watching sports and playing video games is my habit.
Submitted by waleedal3ayed on

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement in the introduction. Try to succinctly summarize the main points you will discuss in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be more concise and clear. Avoid overly complex sentences and ensure each idea is expressed succinctly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a structured beginning and end to your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of television for children, demonstrating a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational programs
  • diverse cultures
  • entertainment options
  • language skills
  • critical thinking
  • social awareness
  • shared experience
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • inappropriate content
  • academic performance
  • attention problems
  • social skills
  • commercial influence
  • addiction
What to do next:
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