IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many argue that schools are no longer necessary because children can learn so much from the internet and be educated at home. Do you agree or disagree?

#schools #children #internet #home
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The majority believe that
the
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schools are now can be replaced by home education and
a
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sufficient knowledge can be gained through
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the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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. I completely disagree with the statement as
the
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online learning materials are not suitable for all
students
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 and schools help them to develop their social skills.
Firstly
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, the web sourced learning is not suitable for all
students
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,because, they are not personalised based on individual needs. Different children
has
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have
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 different levels of understanding. When it comes to
inclass
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in-class
in class
 teaching, the educator has the ability to identify the personal needs of the
students
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 and deliver the lesson
according to
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 that. For
an
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example, in a
class room
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classroom
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, there are few who understand the difficult concepts quickly,
while
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 others need several explanations through different approaches to learn the theory.
Therefore
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, the preplanned teaching materials
in
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on
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 the
internet
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Internet
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 cannot
not
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provide the same education as a teacher in a class.
Seconly
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Secondly
,
the
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social skill development is crucial for
younger
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the younger
a younger
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 generation. Interfering with other
students
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 at their institutes helps them to develop interpersonal skills
such
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 as empathy, mutual respect and understanding, which are highly valuable for a person. For
an
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apply
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instance, a society with highly
knowledged
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knowledgeable
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 members without these human standards would not be a success. In conclusion, schools are necessary for
students
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 to receive
a
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apply
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proper guidance
according to
Linking Words
 their personal needs and to improve their social skills which they are unable to achieve through
Add an article
the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 at home.
Submitted by dinethiranasinghe on

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task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly and concisely presents the topic and your stance without minor grammatical issues.
task achievement
Develop more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This will help to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors and typos; proofreading can help catch these mistakes early.
structure
You have clearly presented your opinion and structured your essay logically with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant main points that address the topic, such as the limitations of web-sourced learning and the importance of social skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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