IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoos. Others believe that there are good reasons for having zoos. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #animals #zoos
In
this
 topic of discussion, Half of the individuals think that
animals
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are wild in nature should not be kept in
zoos
,
While
 others opine that there are some logical reasons for having
zoos
. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion in the upcoming paragraphs. Education is the most important reason for keeping all types of
animals
 under one roof. Schools and other educational institutions take students for an educational trip to
zoos
. So that students can actually see them. Another considerable thought was to keep those species which are getting extinct and those who are endangered like deer get poached for fragrance and the loins for their skin.
Moreover
, in
zoos
,
animals
 are taken care of by experts by keeping their demands in mind.
However
, there are some drawbacks to having them in there. As wild
animals
 grow up with the nature of hunting other
animals
 for food. But if they are kept in a cage there is a high possibility that they go through mental trauma.
Also
, their skills may be affected, in case, they are living there for a long time. In my opinion,
while
 keeping them in
zoos
 all the things should be kept in mind, considering their nature and habitats.
To conclude
, keeping
animals
 in
zoos
 has some advantages and disadvantages as mentioned in the aforementioned paragraphs.
Submitted by kiranbirkaur003 on

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task response
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are addressed thoroughly. While you did discuss both views and provided an opinion, expanding each point with more detailed arguments or examples would have strengthened your response.
coherence and cohesion
Focus on improving the logical flow of your arguments. Each sentence should lead naturally to the next, ensuring clarity. Use more linking words and phrases to enhance coherence. For example, use 'Moreover,' 'Furthermore,' and 'In addition,' to connect ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Provide more detailed explanations and examples for each point to make your arguments more compelling. Each viewpoint should be well-supported with evidence and analysis.
task response
End with a stronger conclusion that summarizes the main points discussed in the essay. This reinforces your argument and provides a satisfying closure.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure for your argument.
task response
You successfully addressed both views on the topic and provided your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are well-organized, which aids the readability of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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