IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Most people are not interested in how their food has been produced. They only care about how much it costs. How true is this statement? What influences people when they buy food?

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It is inevitable that
Use synonyms
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 production process is crucial as it can affect the
food
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nutritions
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nutrition
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.
However
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, some
people
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 feel that there are a lot of
people
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 these days who just choose their meal based on its
price
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instead
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 of
pay
Wrong verb form
paying
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 attention to the
way
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 their
food
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 is produced. In my opinion,
price
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 is indeed an important aspect of
served
Wrong verb form
serving
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foods
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, but nowadays
people
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 start to consider
other aspect
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another aspect
other aspects
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on
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of
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 choosing
foods
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.
To begin
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 with, as we need to have a meal about three times a day,
price
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 can affect our choice
on
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of
show examples
foods
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. Interestingly,
people
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 who already have jobs usually buy more expensive
food
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 after they just received
the
Change the word
their
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 monthly salary, but
then
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 as their amount of money
decreased
Wrong verb form
decreases
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, they will start to cut their budget in buying
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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.
However
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, these days, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more accessible information throughout the media which
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
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people
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 to realize the
way
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 their
foods
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 are processed. It is generally known that healthier
foods
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 can give so many benefits to one’s body and even their mental health. Interestingly, most
of
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apply
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healthy
food
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 is expensive,
this
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 is clearly caused by the high quality of farming and
detailed
Add an article
the detailed
show examples
 serving process they need. Having said that, there are increasing number
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
people
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 who start to just buy
a
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apply
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raw
food
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Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
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 cook it by themselves so that they can press the budget for
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foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
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.
Furthermore
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, cuisines
is
Verb problem
have
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 become various and
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 have different
taste
Fix the agreement mistake
tastes
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. It is generally known that the
food
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 taste
also
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 can affect
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people
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people's
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 decision on choosing
foods
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. Some
people
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 just prefer eating
food
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 that suitable
with
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for
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 their tongue, including savory, sweet, or spicy. Asian
people
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,
for example
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, tend to eat spicy
food
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 rather than salty or sweet
food
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.
Moreover
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, individuals from certain
area
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areas
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also
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 have their own preferences in terms of the main meals.
For instance
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, most
of
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apply
show examples
Indonesian
people
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 would like
having
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to have
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 their meal with rice which is a kind of fulfilling
food
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.
Lastly
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, the
food
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 or the appearance of
food
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also
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 can impact individual appetite. Some
people
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 avoid
food
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 with
color
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colour
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that is
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 less common like blue or purple and in fact, there
is
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are
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 many videos shared
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media that show how
people
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 in some areas in India serve their
food
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 less
higenous
Correct your spelling
igneous
 leading to many
people
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stated
Wrong verb form
stating
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 they will not buy the
food
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 in India.
To sum up
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, there are several factors that can determine
people
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’s choice
on
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of
show examples
 buying
food
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, including the
price
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, the
way
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 it
served
Add a missing verb
is served
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, their
prefered
Correct your spelling
preferred
 taste, and many more.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly caused by the information spreading in social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
 that influence their
way
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 choosing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meals. Words: 431

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task response
While the essay addresses the question and provides a perspective on the topic, it could be enhanced by adding more specific examples and clearer explanations to support the arguments. Elaborate further on how media influences people's food choices and provide more concrete examples of how consumers are becoming more health-conscious.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a generally logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some ideas could be better organized. For instance, the paragraph on food tastes and cultural preferences could be split for clarity. Additionally, consider using more transitions to ensure smoother flow between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is coherent, some sentences are slightly awkward or unclear. Pay attention to verb tenses and subject-verb agreement. For example, instead of "cuisines is become various," use "cuisines have become more varied." Proofreading can help catch these small errors.
introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the essay's main argument and captures the reader's interest. It sets a solid foundation for the points to be discussed.
task response
The essay offers a balanced view by acknowledging that price is a significant factor but also pointing out that other aspects like health, taste, and production process are important.
conclusion
The conclusion succinctly sums up the main points discussed, reinforcing the idea that various factors influence food choice beyond just price.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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