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Band 4

In many countries television shows many foreign-made programmes. The dominance of imported entertainment is harmful to the cultures of these countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #television #programmes #dominance #entertainment #cultures
Currently, the
programmes
 of different
countries
 are diverse and
appealng
Correct your spelling
appealing
. Foreign-made
programmes
 are more popular
for
Change preposition
among
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and individuals. Some
people
 are in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of the view that these imported entertainments are harmful to the
countries
' culture, which seems biased to my knowledge. An obvious argument in its
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 is that the value of
people
 who enjoy watching these
programmes
 would be affected. One good illustration of
this
 is that some
programmes
 could show their cultures which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 special and different from their own
countries
.
Therefore
, those who do not have the ability of judgement could look
foward
Correct your spelling
forward
 to other cultures and believe that others are better.
However
, I am one of the opponents of
this
 argument and insist that
people
 could have a comprehensive understanding of the world
according to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
imported entertainment.
This
 is because
countries
 introduce more knowledge which is more detailed and
people
 could not study from the books.
For example
, the way of celebrations of local events and festivals could be performed in shows.
Moreover
, creative ideas
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 making
programmes
 could be studied by native shows. To be more specific, games are
be
Change the form of the verb
being
show examples
 used in lots of imported
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
show examples
 in order to appeal
more
Change preposition
to more
show examples
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
. In conclusion, I would
reclaim
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that
people
 could study a lot about the world as long as they have the basic
ablitity
Correct your spelling
ability
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
judgment
Replace the word
judge
show examples
,
although
 some
people
 believe that it has disadvantages of the
countries
' culture.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Your introduction is generally clear, but try to provide a stronger and more specific thesis statement. This will help guide your essay and make your argument clearer.
task achievement
Some of your points are supported with examples; however, providing more detailed and specific examples would strengthen your argument. For example, discussing specific TV shows and their potential impact on culture could help.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a basic logical structure, but at times the ideas are not fully developed or connected. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that your points are logically linked to one another.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the transitions between your paragraphs and ideas. This will help your essay flow more smoothly and make it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which frame your argument well.
task achievement
The points you raise are relevant to the topic and show that you understand the question.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your language use is generally clear, and your main ideas are easy to understand.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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