IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The office you work in does not have any cafeteria for staff. Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. [F]  In your letter, you should mention  what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff  how you feel about it  what suggestions you have about setting up a cafeteria

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Respected sir/ma'am I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to catch up with the attention of inconvenience faced by the employees regarding not having a proper place for recreation. The staff are frustrated about not having a place to sit
while
Linking Words
 on break hours in the office. Most of the employees have to walk down near by cafe to have lunch which is not only time-consuming for them but
also
Linking Words
 reduces the productivity of staff as they cannot make it in time to commence work after
break
Add an article
a break
the break
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, I believe that having rest time outside of our office area hurts our brand image and values as almost every office had a leisure room for their staff in our building.
In
Rephrase
Lastly
show examples
last
Linking Words
, I have a recommendation regarding setting up a cafeteria.
Although
Linking Words
 we don't have enough resources to build a new area, we can split up the storage area into
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 cafeteria and a storage room. Looking forward to hearing
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 positive response from your side. yours faithfully, Asif Rathod

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task response
Try to provide specific examples of how the lack of a cafeteria is impacting employees' daily routines
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your letter has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion for better structure.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining the transition between your points to enhance the flow of the letter.
task response
You have clearly outlined the problems faced by the staff due to the absence of a cafeteria.
task response
The tone of the letter is polite and appropriate for addressing a manager.
coherence and cohesion
The letter begins with a clear introduction and ends with a polite closing, creating a complete sense to the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inconvenience
  • frustration
  • productivity
  • offsite
  • financial burden
  • employee satisfaction
  • foster
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