IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The office you work in does not have any cafeteria for staff. Write a letter to your manager to request setting up a cafeteria for the staff. [F]  In your letter, you should mention  what you heard about the inconvenience from the staff  how you feel about it  what suggestions you have about setting up a cafeteria

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Respected sir/ma'am I am writing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 letter to catch up with the attention of inconvenience faced by the employees regarding not having a proper place for recreation. The staff are frustrated about not having a place to sit
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 on break hours in the office. Most of the employees have to walk down near by cafe to have lunch which is not only time-consuming for them but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 reduces the productivity of staff as they cannot make it in time to commence work after
break
Add an article
a break
the break

The noun phrase break seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I believe that having rest time outside of our office area hurts our brand image and values as almost every office had a leisure room for their staff in our building.
In
Rephrase
Lastly

There may be an adverb issue here.

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last
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I have a recommendation regarding setting up a cafeteria.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 we don't have enough resources to build a new area, we can split up the storage area into
the
Correct article usage
a

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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 cafeteria and a storage room. Looking forward to hearing
some
Correct determiner usage
a

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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 positive response from your side. yours faithfully, Asif Rathod

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task response
Try to provide specific examples of how the lack of a cafeteria is impacting employees' daily routines
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your letter has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion for better structure.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining the transition between your points to enhance the flow of the letter.
task response
You have clearly outlined the problems faced by the staff due to the absence of a cafeteria.
task response
The tone of the letter is polite and appropriate for addressing a manager.
coherence and cohesion
The letter begins with a clear introduction and ends with a polite closing, creating a complete sense to the reader.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inconvenience
  • frustration
  • productivity
  • offsite
  • financial burden
  • employee satisfaction
  • foster
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