Some people believe that parents should devote more time to helping kids with school work, others think that they should allocate more time to play sports with their kids. Discuss the both these views and give your own opinion
Parents
should invest more time
in helping their children
with school
work because it helps to make the parent-child bond strong. Parents
should be the primary teachers of their children
because they understand their children
better than their teachers. Moreover
, when parents
teach their children
about their school
stuff, children
quickly learn them. It is because they love and trust their parents
more than their teachers. In Japan, for instance
, parents
are advised to help their children
with their school
homework because children
feel more encouraged to concentrate on their studies if they are taught by their parents
. Therefore
, I think that kids
should be taught school
lessons by their parents
.
In contrast
, some poeple
argue that Correct your spelling
people
children
should spend more time
in
playing with other Change preposition
apply
kids
. There are a lots
of benefits of playing with peers. Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
Children
can share their learnings and ideas with each other if they play with others. Moreover
, they can get the experience of playing in a team and they learn to take care of others while
playing with other kids
. Learning to play with other kids
developes
a child's ability to work in a team. Correct your spelling
develops
children
For instance
, in Australia, those children
who play with their peers are more cooperative with others in the future. Therefore
, I believe that children
should be given the chance to play with their peers in their free time
.
In conclusion, it is better to play with other kids
than spending
Change the verb form
to spend
time
with parents
and taking
help with homework.Verb problem
get
Submitted by rahman_rehana on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
The essay should include a balanced discussion of both views along with a clear personal opinion more consistently throughout the essay.
task achievement
Work on presenting your ideas in a clearer manner to ensure they are comprehensive and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow by using cohesive devices effectively to link your ideas and sentences seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain a consistent structure by including a more defined introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Expand on main points with additional support to strengthen your argument and make it more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples, which add depth to the arguments presented.
task achievement
The key points of both perspectives are addressed, showing a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates an effort to present a balanced view before concluding with your own opinion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite