IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

you work for an international company, and would like to spend six month working in its head office in another country. write a letter to you manager. in your letter explain why you want to work in the company's head office for six month say how your work could be done while you are away ask for her/his help in arranging it

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Dear Mr Smith, I am writing to you in regard to the possibility of working overseas. I am Gonzalo Fuentes chief manager of the Department of Construction Sciences in Brisbane, Australia.
Firstly
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, I would like to show my expression of interest in the opportunity to co-operate with the head office's Department of Construction Sciences in Los Angeles, United States.
Initially
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, my intention was to stay for a period of six months. It is a great opportunity for my career to develop my skills and have the opportunity to work beside
such
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 talented people. So it would be a rich experience for my professional career and personal growth as well.
Secondly
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, I will be able to keep managing the Brisbane Department from LA,
hence
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, since COVID-19, I have been running everything from my home office, so there will not be any inconvenience in doing it in the same way.
Furthermore
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, I may ask, if you could organize the translation for
this
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6 month
Add a hyphen
6-month
show examples
 period with head office. I would very much appreciate your consideration and help, I hope to hear back from you. Yours Sincerely, Gonzalo

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coherence cohesion
Your letter would benefit from a clearer structure. Consider explicitly breaking it down into clear paragraphs that focus on each requirement of the task: explaining why you want to work at the head office, detailing how your current duties will be managed in your absence, and asking for assistance in arranging the transfer.
task achievement
Expand on how working at the head office will benefit the company, not just your personal and professional growth. This would make your case stronger and demonstrate a complete response to the task.
task achievement
The tone of your letter is professional and appropriate, which is well-suited for a formal request to management.
coherence cohesion
You have included a clear greeting and closing, which provides a sense of completeness and politeness in your letter.
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