Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a postive or a negative development?
In the present day,
alternative
medicines
are becoming popular and get more attention from many people than usual doctors. In this
essay, both positive and negative consequences associated with this
situation will be discussed in detail before reaching the
conclusion.
On the one hand, Correct article usage
a
alternative
medicines
have several significant drawbacks on
individuals. One of the main concerns is the unreliable outcome of their Change preposition
for
treatment
because most alternatives came
from cultural beliefs and some individual experts, which lack supporting data Wrong verb form
come
of
their benefits, resulting in Change preposition
on
treatment
failure or worsening of the disease. Complication from alternatives is another serious issue, leading to morbidity and mortality. For example
, some
with medical conditions like osteoporosis or deep vein thrombosis receiving a local massage could be fatal, as it can cause fracture and cardiac arrest. Change preposition
for some
Additionally
, people who are distracted by the alternative
medicines
from the main treatment
can result in delaying crucial treatment
plans and some diseases would
progress to an advanced stage.
Verb problem
apply
On the other hand
, there are many advantages provided by these alternative
trends. For someone with incurable disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
such
as late-stage cancer, which
alternatives can serve as spiritual Correct pronoun usage
apply
treatment
and provide emotional support, as they are the remaining hope for them.
Change the punctuation
?
Moreover
, alternative
ways are better options for those who have low income , who
cannot afford expensive Correct word choice
and who
treatment
from the hospital, as most of them are affordable and accessible. For instance
, workers with muscle strain can reduce their symptoms by receiving acupuncture, simply
massage and herbs.
In summary, Change the word
simple
While
these alternative
trends have some benefits such
as spiritual treatment
, emotional support and being an option for those who have low financial status, they bring many drawbacks including unreliable treatments, serious complications and delaying mainstay treatment
. Lastly
, I believe that their drawbacks outweigh benefits
. Correct article usage
the benefits
Therefore
, if the government plays an important role by regulating and researching alternative
medicines
more, people will benefit from a variety of options in
Change preposition
for
treatment
effectively.Submitted by sippakorn.wet on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both positive and negative aspects of alternative medicine. Nevertheless, ensure that your arguments are more explicitly balanced. For instance, adding a bit more emphasis and evidence on the advantages of alternative treatments would provide a more compelling and balanced view.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized and each point is sufficiently supported, some sentences are a bit convoluted. A few sentences could be more concise to enhance readability. Simplifying complex ideas without losing meaning would improve overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear and logical structure in your essay with a strong introduction and conclusion. However, using more cohesive devices (such as consequently, therefore) could make the text flow even more smoothly and improve cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to be careful with subject-verb agreement and prepositions, as some sentences contained minor grammatical errors. For instance, 'alternatives is another serious issue' should be 'alternatives are another serious issue'.
task achievement
A clear, comprehensive approach in discussing both the positive and negative aspects of alternative medicine.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion, providing a well-rounded view and neatly wrapping up the discussion.
task achievement
Use of specific and relevant examples to support your points adds depth to your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!