IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a postive or a negative development?

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In the present day,
alternative
Use synonyms
medicines
Use synonyms
 are becoming popular and get more attention from many people than usual doctors. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both positive and negative consequences associated with
this
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 situation will be discussed in detail before reaching
the
Correct article usage
a
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 conclusion. On the one hand,
alternative
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medicines
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 have several significant drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals. One of the main concerns is the unreliable outcome of their
treatment
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 because most alternatives
came
Wrong verb form
come
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 from cultural beliefs and some individual experts, which lack supporting data
of
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on
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 their benefits, resulting in
treatment
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 failure or worsening of the disease. Complication from alternatives is another serious issue, leading to morbidity and mortality.
For example
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,
some
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for some
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 with medical conditions like osteoporosis or deep vein thrombosis receiving a local massage could be fatal, as it can cause fracture and cardiac arrest.
Additionally
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, people who are distracted by the
alternative
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medicines
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 from the main
treatment
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 can result in delaying crucial
treatment
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 plans and some diseases
would
Verb problem
apply
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progress to an advanced stage.
On the other hand
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, there are many advantages provided by these
alternative
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 trends. For someone with incurable
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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such
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 as late-stage cancer,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
alternatives can serve as spiritual
treatment
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 and provide emotional support, as they are the remaining hope for them
.
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?
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Moreover
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,
alternative
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 ways are better options for those who have low income ,
who
Correct word choice
and who
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 cannot afford expensive
treatment
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 from the hospital, as most of them are affordable and accessible.
For instance
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, workers with muscle strain can reduce their symptoms by receiving acupuncture,
simply
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simple
show examples
 massage and herbs. In summary,
While
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 these
alternative
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 trends have some benefits
such
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 as spiritual
treatment
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, emotional support and being an option for those who have low financial status, they bring many drawbacks including unreliable treatments, serious complications and delaying mainstay
treatment
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.
Lastly
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, I believe that their drawbacks outweigh
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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.
Therefore
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, if the government plays an important role by regulating and researching
alternative
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medicines
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 more, people will benefit from a variety of options
in
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for
show examples
treatment
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 effectively.

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses both positive and negative aspects of alternative medicine. Nevertheless, ensure that your arguments are more explicitly balanced. For instance, adding a bit more emphasis and evidence on the advantages of alternative treatments would provide a more compelling and balanced view.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized and each point is sufficiently supported, some sentences are a bit convoluted. A few sentences could be more concise to enhance readability. Simplifying complex ideas without losing meaning would improve overall coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear and logical structure in your essay with a strong introduction and conclusion. However, using more cohesive devices (such as consequently, therefore) could make the text flow even more smoothly and improve cohesion between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to be careful with subject-verb agreement and prepositions, as some sentences contained minor grammatical errors. For instance, 'alternatives is another serious issue' should be 'alternatives are another serious issue'.
task achievement
A clear, comprehensive approach in discussing both the positive and negative aspects of alternative medicine.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion, providing a well-rounded view and neatly wrapping up the discussion.
task achievement
Use of specific and relevant examples to support your points adds depth to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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