IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The movements of people from villages to the cities for work has caused a lots of problems in both places . What are the serious problem associated with this? What measures can he taken to solve these problems?

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When
people
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move
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 from
villages
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 to the
cities
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,
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
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 of problems can be caused in
both
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places
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. The problems are mainly
increase
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the increase
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 and decrease of
population
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 in
both
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places
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. The possible solution can be taking effective measures to utilize the
population
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 in
both
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places
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. When
people
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move
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 from
villages
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 to the
cities
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, the
population
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 of
villages
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 decreases, and the
population
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 of
cities
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 increases. When a significant number of
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population
Add an article
the population
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leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
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villages
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,
they
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the
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villages
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 face a lack of workforce. There are not enough workforce to do their
work
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
cities
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 face unemployment
problem
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problems
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 because there are not enough
work
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opportunities
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 after the
population
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 increase. A lot of
people
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 roam for jobs but there are not enough job
opportinities
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opportunities
.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, in 2013, a lot of
people
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 migrated to the
cities
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 from
villages
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, and the
cities
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 experienced unemployment
problem
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problems
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 severely. A plausible solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem is creating enough
work
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opportunities
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 in
both
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cities
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 and
villages
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. If
work
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opportunities
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 in
both
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places
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 are similar,
people
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 will not be encouraged to migrate to the
cities
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
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 should be given the same civic facilities in
both
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places
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.
Cities
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 are more attractive
,
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apply
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 and have a lot of
opportunities
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 in numerous sectors
such
Linking Words
 as education, healthcare, and entertainment.
However
Linking Words
,
villages
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 are neglected in terms of these facilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
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 want to
move
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 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 life and future.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, many
people
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 from
villages
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move
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 to towns to lead a better life. In conclusion, if
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 facilities can be ensured in
both
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cities
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 and
town
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towns
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, the rate of migration will be reduced.

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general
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and improve readability. For example, instead of always starting sentences with 'When people move...', you could say 'The migration of individuals from villages to cities leads to...'
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally clear and coherent. To enhance coherence, try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs. For example, use transition words like 'additionally' or 'furthermore' to guide the reader.
general
To avoid minor grammatical errors, such as 'a lot' instead of 'a lots' or 'the villages face' instead of 'they villages face', proofread your work carefully or use grammar-checking tools.
task response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear identification of the problems and offering plausible solutions.
task response
You have used relevant specific examples, such as the case in India and Bangladesh, which make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, encapsulating your main points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Rural-urban divide
  • Dwindling opportunities
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Infrastructure development
  • Job creation
  • Sustainable development
  • Economic diversification
  • Skills training
  • Cultural assimilation
What to do next:
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