IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The movements of people from villages to the cities for work has caused a lots of problems in both places . What are the serious problem associated with this? What measures can he taken to solve these problems?

#movements #people #villages #cities #work #lots #places #measures
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When
people
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
 from
villages
Use synonyms
 to the
cities
Use synonyms
,
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of problems can be caused in
both
Use synonyms
places
Use synonyms
. The problems are mainly
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 and decrease of
population
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
places
Use synonyms
. The possible solution can be taking effective measures to utilize the
population
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
places
Use synonyms
. When
people
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
 from
villages
Use synonyms
 to the
cities
Use synonyms
, the
population
Use synonyms
 of
villages
Use synonyms
 decreases, and the
population
Use synonyms
 of
cities
Use synonyms
 increases. When a significant number of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
leave
Correct subject-verb agreement
leaves
show examples
villages
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
villages
Use synonyms
 face a lack of workforce. There are not enough workforce to do their
work
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
cities
Use synonyms
 face unemployment
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 because there are not enough
work
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 after the
population
Use synonyms
 increase. A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 roam for jobs but there are not enough job
opportinities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
.
For example
Linking Words
, in India, in 2013, a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 migrated to the
cities
Use synonyms
 from
villages
Use synonyms
, and the
cities
Use synonyms
 experienced unemployment
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 severely. A plausible solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem is creating enough
work
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
cities
Use synonyms
 and
villages
Use synonyms
. If
work
Use synonyms
opportunities
Use synonyms
 in
both
Use synonyms
places
Use synonyms
 are similar,
people
Use synonyms
 will not be encouraged to migrate to the
cities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should be given the same civic facilities in
both
Use synonyms
places
Use synonyms
.
Cities
Use synonyms
 are more attractive
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and have a lot of
opportunities
Use synonyms
 in numerous sectors
such
Linking Words
 as education, healthcare, and entertainment.
However
Linking Words
,
villages
Use synonyms
 are neglected in terms of these facilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 want to
move
Use synonyms
 for
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 life and future.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Bangladesh, many
people
Use synonyms
 from
villages
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
 to towns to lead a better life. In conclusion, if
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 facilities can be ensured in
both
Use synonyms
cities
Use synonyms
 and
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
, the rate of migration will be reduced.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Work on varying your sentence structures to avoid repetition and improve readability. For example, instead of always starting sentences with 'When people move...', you could say 'The migration of individuals from villages to cities leads to...'
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally clear and coherent. To enhance coherence, try to make smoother transitions between paragraphs. For example, use transition words like 'additionally' or 'furthermore' to guide the reader.
general
To avoid minor grammatical errors, such as 'a lot' instead of 'a lots' or 'the villages face' instead of 'they villages face', proofread your work carefully or use grammar-checking tools.
task response
Your essay effectively addresses the prompt, providing a clear identification of the problems and offering plausible solutions.
task response
You have used relevant specific examples, such as the case in India and Bangladesh, which make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, encapsulating your main points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Urbanization
  • Rural-urban divide
  • Dwindling opportunities
  • Socio-economic disparities
  • Infrastructure development
  • Job creation
  • Sustainable development
  • Economic diversification
  • Skills training
  • Cultural assimilation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: