Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is argued that
competition
at work, in education and in daily life is very important, while
others think that we should try to cooperate with each other more. This
essay will discuss both points of view and argue in favour of the latter.
Nowadays, some people are of the opinion that competition
is a very cruel thing in our life and they think that we should believe in each other, so we can work together. The reason for this
is that they admit that losing to someone will lead to stress and anxiety because they can lose everything after that. For instance
, an aunt of mine. She was a very good singer. Due to
this
, she had lots of concerts and everyone loved her. By contrast
, after some time her manager told her that he had found a new singer, so he continued that they must compete with each other to sing in the biggest concert in our country. However
, results showed that my aunt lost and then
, she became very stressed and a coward of music, even when I was at her home, she banned me from turning on the music.
On the other hand
, the other portion of our world admits that all creatures must fight with each other for work or education. One clear reason for this
is our development. They believe that competition
between people helped to create innovative technologies such
as smartphones, laptops, washing
machines. One clear example is our ancestors. They wanted to be better at creating more and more developed things. Correct word choice
and washing
For example
, TV. According to
historians, there was not only one TV project. By competing with each other they develop their ideas and at the moment, we have our TV that is
very comfortable for us.
In conclusion, there were lots of debates arguing that the competition
is very important, while
others believe that we should cooperate with each other. I believe that competition
is very important for people, because of the innovations we made and we will make.Submitted by bizhanalikhan6 on
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task achievement
In terms of task response, you need to ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task more fully. Although you have provided a discussion on both views, it would be beneficial to delve deeper into each side and provide a more balanced evaluation.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, your essay would benefit from more consistent use of cohesive devices. At times, the transitions between ideas could be smoother to help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples and developing your points in greater detail. This will help strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly outlines the topic and indicates that the essay will discuss both perspectives. This sets a clear expectation for the reader.
supported main points
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which demonstrates an attempt to substantiate your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and reiterates your opinion, providing a clear ending to the essay.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?