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Band 4.5

In many countries the number of animals and plants is declining: Why do you think this is happening? How can this isuue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants #isuue
it is true that in many
countries
, the amount of animal species or
plants
is
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are
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 becoming extinct.
Although
,
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apply
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 there are many reasons why they are facing
this
problem
,
i
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I
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 firmly believe that steps
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 can be taken to solve
this
problem
. The first and most important reason for
this
problem
 is the destruction of forests.
the
Correct article usage
apply
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deforestation has negatively affected
on
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apply
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animals
 and
plants
 which grow in rainforests. There are some
people
 in the world who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 in
a
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an
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 industry company.
Thus
 they cut off huge
level
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levels
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 of trees for building new parks or
appointment
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appointments
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 for new customers.
Additionaly
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, some
people
 are interested in hunting.
Also
, they want to hunt unique
animals
 in the world.
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
governments
 of
countries
 do not allow to
hunt
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hunting
show examples
any
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of any
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animals
. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
, many rare
of
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apply
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birds are
in
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apply
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dangered
Verb problem
endangered
show examples
 by extinction in Iron, but a lot
off
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of
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 hunters do not care about it and continue to hunt. Even though
,
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apply
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 we cannot solve
this
 issue entirely, in my opinion, we can mitigate
this
problem
. There are many steps that can be taken to address
this
 issue.
Firstly
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 of
countries
 must implement harsh punishment for
poacher
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poachers
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 or
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
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 cut
of
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off
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 greeny. In order to avoid illegal
deforestatio
Correct your spelling
deforestation
.
Becouse
Correct your spelling
Because
 all
animals
 and
plants
 are really necessary for us and especially for our
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 with respiratory.
Moreover
,
people
 always try to
devolop
Correct your spelling
develop
 new green spices.
Also
, they must not give some kind of unimportant meals to
animals
.
Secondly
,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 of
countries
 should construct new zoos or botanic gardens for unique
plants
 and
animals
.
Becouse
Correct your spelling
Because
,
this
 is the best way to safe them without any damages.
Therefore
, all
people
 have to care about
animals
 and
plants
. in conclusion, many factors could be a reason for decreasing the number of
animals
 and
plants
. Unless we
could not
Verb problem
can
show examples
 stop ourselves from destroying forests, wildlife will continue to suffer from our unconscious actions.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly with further explanations or examples. This will help in achieving a more coherent structure.
clear comprehensive ideas
Use more varied and advanced vocabulary to improve the sophistication of your essay. This will demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a good structure to your essay.
complete response
The essay identifies significant causes and offers solutions to the issue, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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