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Band 4.5

In many countries the number of animals and plants is declining: Why do you think this is happening? How can this isuue be solved?

#countries #animals #plants #isuue
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it is true that in many
countries
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, the amount of animal species or
plants
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is
Change the verb form
are
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 becoming extinct.
Although
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,
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apply
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 there are many reasons why they are facing
this
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problem
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,
i
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I
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 firmly believe that steps
definetely
Correct your spelling
definitely
 can be taken to solve
this
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problem
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. The first and most important reason for
this
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problem
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 is the destruction of forests.
the
Correct article usage
apply
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deforestation has negatively affected
on
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apply
show examples
animals
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 and
plants
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 which grow in rainforests. There are some
people
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 in the world who
works
Correct subject-verb agreement
work
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 in
a
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an
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 industry company.
Thus
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 they cut off huge
level
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levels
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 of trees for building new parks or
appointment
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appointments
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 for new customers.
Additionaly
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Additionally
, some
people
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 are interested in hunting.
Also
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, they want to hunt unique
animals
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 in the world.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
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,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
governments
 of
countries
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 do not allow to
hunt
Replace the word
hunting
show examples
any
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of any
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animals
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. For
instanse
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instance
, many rare
of
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apply
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birds are
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dangered
Verb problem
endangered
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 by extinction in Iron, but a lot
off
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of
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 hunters do not care about it and continue to hunt. Even though
,
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apply
show examples
 we cannot solve
this
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 issue entirely, in my opinion, we can mitigate
this
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problem
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. There are many steps that can be taken to address
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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,
Correct article usage
the goverment
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goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 of
countries
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 must implement harsh punishment for
poacher
Fix the agreement mistake
poachers
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 or
who
Correct determiner usage
those who
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 cut
of
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off
show examples
 greeny. In order to avoid illegal
deforestatio
Correct your spelling
deforestation
.
Becouse
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Because
 all
animals
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 and
plants
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 are really necessary for us and especially for our
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 with respiratory.
Moreover
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,
people
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 always try to
devolop
Correct your spelling
develop
 new green spices.
Also
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, they must not give some kind of unimportant meals to
animals
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.
Secondly
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,
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 of
countries
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 should construct new zoos or botanic gardens for unique
plants
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 and
animals
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.
Becouse
Correct your spelling
Because
,
this
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 is the best way to safe them without any damages.
Therefore
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, all
people
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 have to care about
animals
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 and
plants
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. in conclusion, many factors could be a reason for decreasing the number of
animals
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 and
plants
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. Unless we
could not
Verb problem
can
show examples
 stop ourselves from destroying forests, wildlife will continue to suffer from our unconscious actions.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Develop your ideas more thoroughly with further explanations or examples. This will help in achieving a more coherent structure.
clear comprehensive ideas
Use more varied and advanced vocabulary to improve the sophistication of your essay. This will demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
introduction conclusion present
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a good structure to your essay.
complete response
The essay identifies significant causes and offers solutions to the issue, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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