Obesity is a serious problem in many countries, especially in reach countries. Discuss ways to solve the problem . Provide specific reason and examples to support your answer.
Nowadays, a lot of nationals have different health issues, like obesity and others. Most of them are rich, that
one
of the reasons, why that problem is popular in these nations.
I live in Add a missing verb
is one
third-world
country and I didn'Add an article
a third-world
t
see a lot of fat people. But if this
happens most of them have other diseases with the stomach.
When a nation is really rich, in their country they have good salaries and they shouldn't
move enough to keep their body in common conditional
. People eat food which they want, don'Replace the word
condition
t
keep balanced
diet, take deliveries Add an article
a balanced
then
go to the shop by themselves. And after all of it, go and lie down somewhere. Then
they gain weight and can't
do simple things like running or can but not for a long time.
But these days, we have trends like going to gyms, keeping your body fit, influencers every day train in their blogs how to look like models and we can see. That gym started to be more popular some years ago. Also
in schools, the government should provide lessons about diets, how good fruits and vegetables are for your body and other foodstuff. Built more sports places in gardens and made special roads for runners.
We have examples in real life, America was a meme, and the whole world laughed about the fat nation. The USA it's a burger state. And if we watch now, America is one of the most fittest countries on the planet.
To sum up
, if people have enough time and motivation to keep their bodies in their best form, they will do it.Submitted by oleksandrrazancev64 on
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task response
Your introduction could be clearer in presenting the main topic of the essay. Consider explicitly mentioning that obesity is the central issue to enhance clarity
task response
Some ideas are not fully developed, and certain points can be explained in more detail to strengthen your argument. For instance, elaborate on how governments can implement educational programs about nutrition.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a more logical flow between paragraphs to enhance coherence. Use transition phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'Additionally,' or 'As a result,' to guide the reader through your essay more smoothly.
task response
Include more specific examples and data to support your points. This will make your arguments more compelling and relevant.
task response
Your conclusion could better encapsulate the main arguments presented in your essay. Summarize the main points more effectively to leave a strong final impression.
task response
The essay contains some good ideas, such as promoting gym culture and government involvement in nutrition education.
task response
You have provided a general introduction and conclusion, which is good practice.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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