IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that women make better parents than men and that is why they have a greater role in raising children. Others claim that men are just as good as women in parenting. Discuss both these views and give your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays we have a myth that women are better parents than fathers. In my view, we shouldn't say that, because we can see a lot of different situations. I think that and mother and father can be good parents.
For example
Linking Words
 in my family, my mother has a greater role in raising me, than my father. The reason is my
dad
Use synonyms
 always working and after job, he wants some rest, but I really appreciate that.My mother doesn't work and she gives all her
time
Use synonyms
 to me. On the one hand, mothers have a special connection to their children from birth.
Also
Linking Words
 as maternal instinct. I believe that these help her so much to raise the child.
Also
Linking Words
, one of the reasons
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is that most of the
time
Use synonyms
 women go on maternity leave and
this
Linking Words
 gives them emotional connection because they all day with their babies. It gives a very lovely relationship.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, dads can grow real fighters or princesses. In my view, men treat their children better, but not always. In Europe, very popular to have a fifty-fifty maternity leave, half of the
time
Use synonyms
 sitting with the baby's
dad
Use synonyms
, and the other half
mom
Use synonyms
. Sometimes
dad
Use synonyms
 and
mom
Use synonyms
 have different roles in a child's life. In some situations, the kid will go to
mom
Use synonyms
,
in
Correct word choice
and in
show examples
 others to
dad
Use synonyms
. Most of the
time
Use synonyms
, when babies have emotional problems or have support, they go to their
mom
Use synonyms
. When they struggle with choices and want a cold mind or want advice, it's
dad
Use synonyms
's role. To wrap things up, people should not follow societal norms or gender roles, they should make their own choices.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a good response to the task and covers both views, but consider adding more depth to your arguments. Adding additional examples and elaborating further on key points can strengthen your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea. Try to create smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammar and lexical resources by practicing more complex sentence structures and varied vocabulary. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and the use of articles for greater accuracy.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which gives a structured beginning and ending to your arguments.
task achievement
You attempted to include relevant examples from personal experience, which is commendable and adds a personal touch to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nurturing
  • emotionally connected
  • child-rearing
  • bond
  • societal norms
  • gender roles
  • active role
  • competent
  • approaches
  • development
  • shared responsibilities
  • involvement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: