In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Gun
violence
has steadily risen in many nations around the globe because individuals have permits to obtain them. I strongly agree with this
statement and will discuss two significant violent scenarios that emerge through it.
Poverty is one of the most significant reasons for the increase in gun violence
. In many third-world countries, the people
there are really poor and are always in search of better employment, work and jobs to make their standard of living better. However
, with scarcity of resources, poor administration and corruption governments often fail to meet the expectations of their people
therefore
many resort to violence
. Furthermore
, when it gets out of control, it transforms into civil war
. The civil war
is often bloody where the usage of guns is prevalent for instance
, the Syrian civil war
saw the deadliest scale of human deaths because many rebel factions used advanced weapons and explosives to to topple the Syrian government. The government's incompetency diverts people
to violence
, usually with arms.
The second most important reason for gun violence
is political instability. While
the government is no longer in a position to enact law and order and has no means to sustain its authority by any means such
as economic wealth, bureaucracy, military and people
's support, several radical elements take advantage of it and often use weapons to install their control for instance
, the invasion of Iraq by the USA created a vacuum in political power, and there was no competent leader to lead effectively after the war
was over. Therefore
many terrorist organizations such
as ISIS, ISIL, and Al-Qaeda emerged and killed thousands of innocent people
in order to quickly ascertain their rule and establish their governments. In short, weak governments enable rebellious factions to emerge that spread chaos and fear among the population.
In conclusion, the ease of access to arms leads to horrific crimes and violence
and fuels political polarization and various social crimes.Submitted by shahroz99dev on
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task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that effectively respond to the task prompt. However, try to add more specific data or studies to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
It’s important to provide a clearer distinction between the introduction and the body. You can do this by making your introduction slightly longer, providing more context, and clearly stating your thesis.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to use more varied linking devices (e.g., 'thus,' 'moreover,' 'as a result') to connect ideas more smoothly and make your argumentation flow more naturally.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses two significant causes of gun violence: poverty and political instability, providing relevant examples for each.
task achievement
The ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay, with two main points that are well-supported by examples from real-world scenarios.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.