In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Gun
violence
has steadily risen in many nations around the globe because individuals have permits to obtain them. I strongly agree with Use synonyms
this
statement and will discuss two significant violent scenarios that emerge through it.
Poverty is one of the most significant reasons for the increase in gun Linking Words
violence
. In many third-world countries, the Use synonyms
people
there are really poor and are always in search of better employment, work and jobs to make their standard of living better. Use synonyms
However
, with scarcity of resources, poor administration and corruption governments often fail to meet the expectations of their Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
therefore
many resort to Linking Words
violence
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, when it gets out of control, it transforms into civil Linking Words
war
. The civil Use synonyms
war
is often bloody where the usage of guns is prevalent Use synonyms
for instance
, the Syrian civil Linking Words
war
saw the deadliest scale of human deaths because many rebel factions used advanced weapons and explosives to to topple the Syrian government. The government's incompetency diverts Use synonyms
people
to Use synonyms
violence
, usually with arms.
The second most important reason for gun Use synonyms
violence
is political instability. Use synonyms
While
the government is no longer in a position to enact law and order and has no means to sustain its authority by any means Linking Words
such
as economic wealth, bureaucracy, military and Linking Words
people
's support, several radical elements take advantage of it and often use weapons to install their control Use synonyms
for instance
, the invasion of Iraq by the USA created a vacuum in political power, and there was no competent leader to lead effectively after the Linking Words
war
was over. Use synonyms
Therefore
many terrorist organizations Linking Words
such
as ISIS, ISIL, and Al-Qaeda emerged and killed thousands of innocent Linking Words
people
in order to quickly ascertain their rule and establish their governments. In short, weak governments enable rebellious factions to emerge that spread chaos and fear among the population.
In conclusion, the ease of access to arms leads to horrific crimes and Use synonyms
violence
and fuels political polarization and various social crimes.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas that effectively respond to the task prompt. However, try to add more specific data or studies to strengthen your arguments further.
coherence cohesion
It’s important to provide a clearer distinction between the introduction and the body. You can do this by making your introduction slightly longer, providing more context, and clearly stating your thesis.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure to use more varied linking devices (e.g., 'thus,' 'moreover,' 'as a result') to connect ideas more smoothly and make your argumentation flow more naturally.
task achievement
The essay effectively discusses two significant causes of gun violence: poverty and political instability, providing relevant examples for each.
task achievement
The ideas are expressed clearly and comprehensively, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure to the essay, with two main points that are well-supported by examples from real-world scenarios.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.