Some people suggest that it is better for children to be brought up the whole family including uncles, aunts and grandparents, rather than just the parents. Do you agree or disagree?
I strongly do not agree that it will be better for
cildren
to grow up with a big family, including grandparents, uncles and aunts.
There is no doubt that growing up with a whole family is Correct your spelling
children
benefit
to Replace the word
beneficial
children
to the extend
. Replace the word
extent
To begin
with, children
can get a deeper bond with their relatives
because of living together, dinner
together, Add a missing verb
having dinner
spending
time together. Correct word choice
and spending
Then
, people can have more chance
to play with Fix the agreement mistake
chances
relatives
who are in
the same age Change preposition
apply
spending
a happier childhood.
Verb problem
and have
However
, there are three main reasons supporting the perspective that children
should not spend the
childhood with a whole family. Change the word
their
First,
different generations have different values for this
world thus
various ideas for bringing up a child could be diverse and comflict
. So which one is better for Correct your spelling
conflicting
children
? Children
usually could be comfused
when they hear lots of voices from different Correct your spelling
confused
relatives
. For example
, parents encouage
Correct your spelling
encourage
children
to take part in the
classes outside school, which could give Correct article usage
apply
children
an opportunity to get a higher score for subjects, therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
children
could have access to better higher education. However
, it is denied by grandparents, because they argue that children
should enjoy their playtime instead
of working so hard out of school. Second,
children
living in a big family could not get a better environment because they could be influenced by the relatives
who have a bad habbit
. Correct your spelling
habit
For example
, boys usually are impacted by the people who usually
smoke, which results in learning a bad hobby of smoking at school. Rephrase
apply
Finally
, private space and time could be a problem when living with the
Correct article usage
apply
relatives
. In our country, people usually live in an apartment with three or four rooms with a whole family, which means space for everyone is extremely limited. So children
could not have their own room to spend the whole time that belongs to theirselvs
.
In conclusion, I firmly believe that Correct your spelling
themselves
children
should grow up with a core family instead
of a big family, which will be better for children
.Submitted by asllchkied on
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task achievement
Be mindful of spelling errors and typos such as 'cildren' instead of 'children', 'comflict' instead of 'conflict', and 'themselvs' instead of 'themselves'. Proofreading before submission can help catch these mistakes.
task achievement
While the essay answers the question and provides relevant points, there's a need for a clearer distinction between the supporting points and examples. This will help in providing better clarity to the ideas presented.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs and sentences to enhance the overall flow of the essay. This will make it easier for the reader to follow your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all points are well-supported with specific examples or explanations. For example, elaborating on how exposure to bad habits like smoking can directly affect children will make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt thoroughly, providing both the potential benefits and drawbacks of raising children in a large family.
coherence cohesion
The key points are logically organized, which aids in understanding the writer's viewpoint.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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