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Band 7.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones for communication has a negative effect on young people's reading and writing skills. Do you agree oor disagree?

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With the popularity of electronic
devices
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 progressively increasing, there are many concerns about their adverse influences on individuals. One of them is whether depending highly on them to communicate will impair
people
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's writing and reading
skills
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. In my view, on the one hand,
this
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 concern is not without reasons;
on the other hand
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, it should not be disproportionately emphasised.
First,
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people
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 cannot escape the reality that the increasing reliance on electronic
devices
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 in communication is impairing individuals' literary
skills
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.
This
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 has been demonstrated by research conducted by the Modern Language Association(MLA), a think tank in the USA, that currently,
people
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 are increasingly dependent on "stickers" in daily conversations to convey their emotions.
In other words
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, they are losing the ability to express themselves in words, which should have been a fundamental competence in a democratic nation like the USA, where
people
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 need to expound their feelings and opinions when arguing for their own rights.
This
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 phenomenon has reasonably raised the common concern that the degeneration of literary
skills
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 brought by electronic
devices
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 is undermining the country's political cornerstones.
Although
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 the worry sounds plausible, adhering to
this
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 kind of technology conservatism is not conducive to stepping out of the dilemma that we need to use electronic
devices
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 in daily communication ,
while
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 the side-effect of the usage is jeopardising
people
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's writing and reading
skills
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,
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apply
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 and even the foundation of a representative nation.
Therefore
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, perhaps we should forsake the preconception that the writing and reading
skills
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 that originate from the paper age are superior to the expressive approaches deriving from the net age. A Harvard researcher, David Thomas, has claimed that what matters is whether we clearly deliver our ideas, not with certain carriers. In light of
this
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, the preference for literary
skills
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 is more of an ungrounded obsession with habits. In summary, from my perspective, the usage of electronic
devices
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 is indeed impairing
people
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's writing and reading
skills
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.
However
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, I am inclined to view
this
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 as a necessary progress in exploring new efficient communication
skills
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 in a net age, and
therefore
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people
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 need not constantly lament the loss of writing and reading
skills
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure consistency in your arguments, especially when balancing both sides of an issue.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are clear, consider structuring your points with more distinct paragraphs for each argument.
task achievement
Be clear about your stance from the introduction and maintain this clarity throughout the essay.
task achievement
Strong use of examples like MLA and Harvard research to support arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion both clearly provide the framework and summary of the argument, which helps the reader follow the essay.
task achievement
The essay successfully addresses the prompt by both acknowledging potential negative effects and offering an alternative perspective.
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