IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that individuals today spend too much time following political news while others feel politics deserve greater attention. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some youngsters are never been more interested in political affairs than both internal and external matters of countries Nowadays.
Due to
Linking Words
 high demand in the technological field and deployment of advanced 5G networks significant youngsters do have access to all the political pieces of information via various social media applications
such
Linking Words
 as YouTube, Meta, and Twitter. The first and foremost reason is
people
Use synonyms
 are more concerned about their tax contributions and job availability.
For example
Linking Words
, economies
such
Linking Words
 as Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, and the Philippines economies are crumbling under loans from China, and with higher interest rates they are more likely to fail.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
 other political issues related to the improvement of the
economy
Use synonyms
 and conflicts between decisions taken by multiple political parties.
However
Linking Words
, the more the countries default on loans from other countries more
chances
Correct article usage
the chances
show examples
 that the
economy
Use synonyms
 is likely to fall.
According to
Linking Words
 the data,
people
Use synonyms
 do perform poorly if the
economy
Use synonyms
 has a lot of drawbacks
due to
Linking Words
 loans.
As a result
Linking Words
 of that, a vast majority of the population may go into
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty.
Moreover
Linking Words
, economists and youngsters who pay taxes for society’s improvement should
also
Linking Words
 know about the bills that are passed from
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to various sectors.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
besides
Linking Words
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
the plethora
show examples
 of reasons
people
Use synonyms
 who pay taxes and need more improvement in the
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 sectors should invest more in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
very
Rephrase
most
show examples
 conventional way possible.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation should discuss more about the
economy
Use synonyms
 and its development in the process of highlighting more and more concern about political parties.
Overally
Correct your spelling
Overall
to conclude
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 who
provide
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention to political issues are more
knoweldgable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
knowledgable
 than others.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow and structure of your essay. Start by outlining your main points and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that links back to your thesis statement.
coherence cohesion
Work on crafting a stronger introduction that clearly outlines the issue and what you will be discussing. Similarly, strengthen your conclusion to summarize the key points effectively.
task achievement
Provide more detailed examples where relevant. This will help illustrate your points more effectively and make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the issue and attempts to provide a balanced discussion.
task achievement
You have identified several reasons why people might follow political news, which adds depth to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: