IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is thought that many countries achieve overseas
sports
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 competitions by particularly creating
facilities
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 to train some great and top athletes. without providing
sports
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facilities
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 that everyone can access. In my opinion, there are numerous negative points for the long-term goal of
sports
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 industries in that country.
Firstly
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, focusing on the top athletes can help them achieve their international
sports
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 tournaments but
this
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 method is only a short-term objective and it will not build any potential young sportsmen or grass-root
people
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 in the
people
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.
Furthermore
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, when many kids and children see these kinds of
sports
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, they would like to play and become professional players but they lack training grounds or fields to practice.
For example
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, some countries like England, Germany, and Brazil have local football
facilities
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 so they continuously generate a lot of top footballers and many of them come from rural areas, where the government provides some basic training buildings.
Thus
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, you will see that these kinds of countries
also
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 have many top sportsmen and sportswomen.
Moreover
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, the reachable
sports
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 complex can give economic growth for the local community and country. Not only do some local
people
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 want to participate in the club but many travellers and overseas
people
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also
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 want to visit, generating a bunch of income for each city.
For instance
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, Manchester United, which is one of the greatest clubs in the United Kingdom, receives a million foreigners each year because there are many
sports
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facilities
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such
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 as an academy, football stadium, practice ground, and football museum.
This
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 city produces many highly professional ballers and gives inspiration to young fans around the world. In conclusion, I believe that providing
sports
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facilities
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 that everyone can use is the root of creating top athletes, generating profits for any country, building inspiration for the next generation, and many positive points.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a clear understanding of the topic discussed; however, it could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing the thesis statement to make it more impactful.
coherence and cohesion
Try to develop more distinct paragraphs for each main point, ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that conveys the main idea that will be discussed.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. You mentioned England and Brazil, but offering a broader context could enhance your points.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion in the introduction and supported it well throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points, reiterating why accessible sports facilities are important.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
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