In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those causes? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, we can see all of the crimes happening
in
all around the world. When we watch the Change preposition
apply
news
, mostly it’s crime Use synonyms
news
that Use synonyms
are
Change the verb form
is
broadcasted
on TV.
Specifically in the US, there Wrong verb form
broadcast
were
a lot of Change the verb form
was
mass
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
shootings
shooting
Fix the agreement mistake
shootings
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
happened
Correct pronoun usage
that happened
Change preposition
in
for
the past Change preposition
in
Correct your spelling
decades
decates
. It happened in the school, Correct your spelling
decades
public
space and the shooter sometimes Correct word choice
and public
just
a kid.
With the recent Add a missing verb
was just
news
of the Use synonyms
mass
shooting in New York Use synonyms
during
Change preposition
on
the
New Correct article usage
apply
Year
Eve. Eleven peoples Change noun form
Year's
was
killed in the tragedy. Change the verb form
were
This
kind of Linking Words
news
Use synonyms
is
always Unnecessary verb
apply
broke
our Wrong verb form
breaks
heart
and Fix the agreement mistake
hearts
this
must stop.
A lot of factors can be causing Linking Words
this
Linking Words
mass
shooting to Use synonyms
happened
, most of the shooters may have Change the form of the verb
happen
feel
desperate, despondent, and suicidal. Change the verb form
felt
This
may have Linking Words
caused
by Add a missing verb
been caused
problematic
environment Correct article usage
a problematic
either
it is at school or at home.
But in my perspective, the main cause is that everyone can legally sell or buy a gun in the US. Correct word choice
whether
This
law has been debated for quite Linking Words
sometime
in the US now but there is still no strict regulation or limitation for the Replace the word
some time
civilience
in purchasing any guns in the US.
We can try to prevent the school shooting by taking seriously any Correct your spelling
civilians
guns
Fix the agreement mistake
gun
theats
reported to the police/FBI/911, Correct your spelling
threats
do
Wrong verb form
doing
threats
Fix the agreement mistake
threat
assesment
Correct your spelling
assessment
to
all of the students in the schools, do a regular Change preposition
of
check
on all the students whether they bring any weapons or not.
But the very important thing that we need to fight so that the US Fix the agreement mistake
checks
goverment
can set a law on the limitation of purchasing guns in the US to prevent any Correct your spelling
government
of
Change preposition
apply
mass
Use synonyms
shooting
happen in the future.Fix the agreement mistake
shootings
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clarity comprehension
To improve the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas, ensure that you elaborate more on the reasons behind your arguments and the examples you provide. For instance, while mentioning the legality of buying guns in the US, you could delve deeper into how this directly correlates with the increasing rate of mass shootings.
grammar spelling
Be cautious of minor grammar and spelling errors, which can be distracting. For example, 'decates' should be 'decades', and 'peoples' should be 'people'. Identifying these small inaccuracies will help in conveying your message more effectively.
structure improvement
Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with a consistent flow. Ensure that each main point is discussed thoroughly before moving on to the next. This will enhance the logical structure and make your arguments more persuasive.
emotional connection
Your concern and empathy towards the situation are evident, and you have managed to present the alarming nature of the issue with heartfelt examples like mass shootings, which engage the reader emotionally.
solution oriented focus
You have successfully identified a main cause of crime and proposed concrete measures to address the issue, notably gun laws, which are relevant and significant in today's context.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.