Today many people work until a later age. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

Nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals choose to
work
after retirement. Some argue that continuing to earn
money
for living in old
age
is a good choice,
therefore
they will be independent financially.
Whereas others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
believe they should enjoy their golden
age
by making memories and
open
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opening
show examples
space for
younger
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the younger
show examples
generation in the
work
field. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
there are more disadvantages than advantages to working
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
old
age
. Longer working lives, harm both, society and themselves. Being an employee demands physical and mental energy. They
have
Add the particle
have to
show examples
wake up every day morning at a specific time and
then
work
hard to
gain
profits for the company and themselves.
Additionally
work
environment has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
up
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ups
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and downs meaning, the incomes and
the
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apply
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outcomes increase and
decreases
Correct subject-verb agreement
decrease
show examples
over the
year
and
this
will cause stress to the worker thinking
whether
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about whether
show examples
they will get their salary in time.
For instance
, my 55
year
old Math teacher got
heart
Add an article
a heart
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attack and died
last
year
. Individuals in old
age
do not withstand
this
kind of
pressures
Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
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.
On the other hand
, there is the danger that an older workforce will hinder the development of young talent if they are not allowed sufficient
work
opportunities.
For instance
, my brother went
do
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to
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an
advertisement
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advertising
show examples
company to seek
for
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apply
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a proper job. He was
hopping
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hoping
show examples
to write his
on
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own
show examples
journal by working in the same field but
instead
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instead,
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they recommended that he can be
assistant
Correct article usage
an assistant
show examples
for
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to
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a
55
Add a hyphen
55-year-old
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year
old accounting manager. In
this
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
the young generation will
loss
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lose
show examples
their chance to improve
path
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the path
show examples
that they studied. Among the advantages, being able to
gain
money
from their own hard
work
alongside being active by doing positive activities
it
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apply
show examples
also
helps them to be less
a
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of a
show examples
burden for their family and government.
However
, it could be argued that they can
gain
money
through publishing a small business alongside their family.
For instance
, my grandfather has retired for 3 years now. He has a small
super market
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supermarket
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sown side
Verb problem
on
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his home town. The business was published by him and my grandmother in order to be happy beside each other and
also
gain
money
for the living without needing
any ones
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anyone's
show examples
help.
To conclude
, people are living longer and
significant
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a significant
show examples
number continue working
while
they are beyond retirement.
Although
there are advantages to that, I believe that they outweigh the drawbacks.
Submitted by hadisbereihi657 on

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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task prompt and presents a clear position. However, some points could be developed more fully or clearly. For instance, the second paragraph discussing disadvantages of working into old age sometimes lacks clear linkage between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure to provide specific and detailed examples to support your main points. The essay uses some examples, but they could be more directly tied to the arguments presented.
task achievement
Work on clear and concise expression. Some sentences are a bit long and complex, which can obscure the meaning. Shorter, more direct sentences can help improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and the ideas generally flow well from one to the next. Still, be mindful of clearly signaling the relationship between ideas. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Use linking devices more effectively to enhance cohesion. Words like 'however,' 'therefore,' and 'for example' should be used carefully to ensure they are connecting ideas logically.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. This will help improve the essay’s overall structure and make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is strong and clearly presents the two sides of the argument before stating your own position.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your position, giving a sense of completion to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well, considering both advantages and disadvantages of working into old age.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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