Today many people work until a later age. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
Nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
the
individuals choose to Correct article usage
apply
work
after retirement. Some argue that continuing to earn money
for living in old age
is a good choice, therefore
they will be independent financially. Whereas others
believe they should enjoy their golden Correct word choice
Others
age
by making memories and open
space for Replace the word
opening
younger
generation in the Add an article
the younger
work
field. In my opinion
there are more disadvantages than advantages to working Add a comma
opinion,
in to
old Join the words
into
age
.
Longer working lives, harm both, society and themselves. Being an employee demands physical and mental energy. They have
wake up every day morning at a specific time and Add the particle
have to
then
work
hard to gain
profits for the company and themselves. Additionally
work
environment has their
Correct pronoun usage
its
up
and downs meaning, the incomes and Replace the word
ups
the
outcomes increase and Correct article usage
apply
decreases
over the Correct subject-verb agreement
decrease
year
and this
will cause stress to the worker thinking whether
they will get their salary in time. Change preposition
about whether
For instance
, my 55 year
old Math teacher got heart
attack and died Add an article
a heart
last
year
. Individuals in old age
do not withstand this
kind of pressures
. Fix the agreement mistake
pressure
On the other hand
, there is the danger that an older workforce will hinder the development of young talent if they are not allowed sufficient work
opportunities. For instance
, my brother went do
an Correct your spelling
to
advertisement
company to seek Replace the word
advertising
for
a proper job. He was Change preposition
apply
hopping
to write his Correct your spelling
hoping
on
journal by working in the same field but Correct your spelling
own
instead
they recommended that he can be Add a comma
instead,
assistant
Correct article usage
an assistant
for
a Change preposition
to
55
Add a hyphen
55-year-old
year
old accounting manager. In this
way
the young generation will Add a comma
way,
loss
their chance to improve Replace the word
lose
path
that they studied.
Among the advantages, being able to Add an article
the path
gain
money
from their own hard work
alongside being active by doing positive activities it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
helps them to be less a
burden for their family and government. Change preposition
of a
However
, it could be argued that they can gain
money
through publishing a small business alongside their family. For instance
, my grandfather has retired for 3 years now. He has a small super market
Correct your spelling
supermarket
sown side
his home town. The business was published by him and my grandmother in order to be happy beside each other and Verb problem
on
also
gain
money
for the living without needing any ones
help.
Correct your spelling
anyone's
To conclude
, people are living longer and significant
number continue working Correct article usage
a significant
while
they are beyond retirement. Although
there are advantages to that, I believe that they outweigh the drawbacks.Submitted by hadisbereihi657 on
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task achievement
The essay responds well to the task prompt and presents a clear position. However, some points could be developed more fully or clearly. For instance, the second paragraph discussing disadvantages of working into old age sometimes lacks clear linkage between ideas.
task achievement
Ensure to provide specific and detailed examples to support your main points. The essay uses some examples, but they could be more directly tied to the arguments presented.
task achievement
Work on clear and concise expression. Some sentences are a bit long and complex, which can obscure the meaning. Shorter, more direct sentences can help improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and the ideas generally flow well from one to the next. Still, be mindful of clearly signaling the relationship between ideas. Some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother.
coherence cohesion
Use linking devices more effectively to enhance cohesion. Words like 'however,' 'therefore,' and 'for example' should be used carefully to ensure they are connecting ideas logically.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should begin with a clear topic sentence that summarizes the main idea. This will help improve the essay’s overall structure and make your arguments clearer.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is strong and clearly presents the two sides of the argument before stating your own position.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your position, giving a sense of completion to the essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well, considering both advantages and disadvantages of working into old age.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.