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Band 4.5

Do you think it is important for children to be taught art?

#children #art
Couldably, without a doubt,
art
 has played a key role in developed society.
While
 some believe that it is not necessary to teach
art
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
. I strongly think it is essential.
Firstly
, teaching
art
 offers good opportunities for
children
 to be a creative person. If they learn
art
, they know how to explore themselves in a unique way.
For example
, when a child is given the assignment to paint, they use different colours, textures and patterns to represent their personality.
Although
 concedes that it could waste
children
’s time,
this
 claim is unreasonable because engaging in
art
 activities helps them to be more productive. Teamwork is another reason. Many supporters claim that those
art
 activities would not help them to manage their team. I,
however
, would argue that by teaching
art
 to
children
, they can collaborate with their peers, as in most
art
 projects
art
 groups, so it seems that they can improve teamwork skills,
such
 as communication,
problem-solving
Correct word choice
and problem-solving
show examples
. The final reason why I believe
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
 critical thinking. It means that teaching
art
 encourages
children
 to observe, analyze, and interpret visual information.
This
 process helps them to understand how to evaluate
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various ideas and concepts. In short, not only
art
would
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cause critical thinking for
children
, but
also
 develops teamwork. On the whole, I completely agree with those who say that
art
 should be considered to teach for
children
.
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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You presented a clear introduction and conclusion, which framed your essay well.
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coherence cohesion
You utilized logical arguments to support your main points, showing coherence in your thought process.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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